What is the meaning of conformity?
? Conformity? The word is often defined, in conventional wisdom, as ? popular? but what does it mean to be agreeable? And what does it really mean to be agreeable? Read on to find out what it means to fit in.
In all the career counseling I've done, collegiality is a ****ty topic.
Many people ask me, "Ms. Xiaoli, I feel like I don't fit in.
I suddenly thought of this quote?
? What's the point of fitting in when you're in a group that generally doesn't have the intellectual, moral, experiential, or intellectual capacity to give you possibilities, role models, or goals?
One year ago, a young man, M, who was starting out in his career, booked a counseling session with me online.
The first question M asked me was: ? Teacher, I always feel like I don't fit in, is there something wrong with me?
In fact, M is not the only one. Many of the people who come to me for advice will label themselves and blame themselves for their problems before analyzing them systematically, and then they will feel frustrated and even doubt themselves.
I asked: ? Oh? It sounds like you're frustrated, can you tell me what's going on?
What the counselor needs to do is to help the person clarify the issue until he or she knows what's going on.
? Teacher, here's the deal. I've been with the company for about two months now, and I don't usually like to make a lot of noise, so I finish my work on time every day. But recently, the leader of the department talked to me several times and asked me to integrate into the atmosphere of the department as soon as possible, so in order to let me mingle with them, the leader of these days will deliberately arrange for the department to have a dinner or go to the K song such activities, and let everyone have to participate. As soon as I arrived at that kind of occasion, I felt that my embarrassment cancer is committed, not only can't mingle with them, but also all kinds of awkward, can't even say a word, the whole person is frozen there, the result of the colleagues who are not familiar with me even more have a view of me, and even one of them even took me as a typical, wrote an article, published in the internal periodical of the company, which makes me feel even more can't face these people. Teacher, what do you think I should do?M said.
? What do you usually like to do? I asked.
? I usually like to play basketball. ? M said.
? Oh? Do you play alone or with a group of people? I asked.
? Of course it's a group of people, we have a regular group of buddies who meet every weekend to play basketball together. M said.
When asking about hobbies, you can actually get a general idea of the other person if you ask carefully.
From M's hobbies, it's not hard to find out that he likes the feeling of playing basketball with a group of people, which shows that he's not a person who doesn't fit in. So what exactly makes him reluctant to mingle with his current coworkers is a question that needs to be sorted out further.
? What I'd like to know is, what do you currently do for a living? And in what department? I asked.
? I am currently in the sales department, doing some basic data organization and quoting. M replied.
? Listening to your description, it seems that you can't find passion in your work, right? I asked.
? That seems to be true at the moment? M said: "I'm quite scared of bargaining with people. I'm afraid of bargaining with people, and I've even been wondering if I'm cut out for sales.
? So is there a subject you were particularly interested in during your school years? I asked.
? I was very interested in finance and finance when I was in school, and I liked to watch the program on the Economy Channel, and I had a good feeling about making money. ? M said.
? Well, so did you put in the appropriate effort during college? I asked.
? Yes, I got my accounting license and junior title during college, and I also got my securities license, and I'm currently preparing for the Note exam. However, my specialty itself is marketing, graduated when applying for securities companies did not get hired, want to do finance and hear people can not earn any money, so I thought about it, think young or to earn more money, so I chose to sell. M said.
After combing through this paragraph, you will find that behind M's non-conformity, there is more confusion and skepticism about his current career.
? But clearly sales isn't giving you what you want is it? At least from the current point of view, you have contact with the leadership and colleagues as if they are very important to your problem of misfits, in addition from your earlier description, I can detect that they also tried to change you by organizing departmental dinners and so on, but it seems that the effect is not particularly good.? I said.
? Yes, the teacher, to say that I am too noisy, to see who are familiar with the characteristics of the really do not like, not to mention them in the potluck time to eat and drink, as well as they get drunk to the box Karaoke look, I really feel that they live a good tired, always like wearing a mask, every day, like a chicken blood deliberately to maintain the state of exuberance. Often in order to be able to sign a single, they have to accompany the smiling face to say all the good words, invite people to eat and drink or even massage sauna is also the norm, while I feel like I am always watching from afar, I have tried to convince myself to put on a smile and their bragging rights, but still can not do it. ?M said.
After a preliminary diagnosis, I found that M is basically no obstacle in the expression, while the thought process is clear and complete, his problem is not a social barrier, but from his existing career can not find the meaning of the state of the leadership and colleagues around him is not what he wants, so naturally, he will be numb and cold to this occupation, brought to interpersonal interactions, it is easy to carry a kind of The first step is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you are doing and how you are doing it.
How to break through the current interpersonal dilemma?
The first thing we need to know is that?
The first thing we need to know is that the word "fit" is often used in traditional thinking.
The first thing we need to know is that the word "fit" is often defined in traditional terms as "popular". Popular?
The first thing we need to know is that the word "popularity" is often defined in traditional terms as "being popular".
It's hard to imagine a hip-hop, street-dancing boy blending in with a team of square-dancing moms, and no matter how good the boy is, it's going to look weird and funny in the context of the square dance. At this time, perhaps there will be a few enthusiastic women in the team to persuade the young man to follow their own waist twisting and dancing, but there is no doubt that for this young man, as long as he likes street dance, one day can not be grouped together.
The second thing we need to understand is that, except for a tiny minority of autistic people, most of our misfits are essentially exclusionary behaviors.
The reasons for this are simply: I don't really recognize what you are doing, I can't find any meaning or value in it for me, I just can't identify with the way you are behaving, etc.
This is a very common situation.
In this case, if the young man wants to continue his street dance career, the best way is to leave the team of square dancers, to find a group of young people who also love street dance, or else continue to mix, to the detriment of his street dance level.
The last thing we want to make clear is that even 'relationships' such as friends are not set in stone.
With the improvement of insights, experience, vision, ability, etc., people prefer to find people better than themselves as friends, which is not to say that they expect the other side can bring them how much money and how many resources, but because in the other side, you will be endowed with a kind of magical and precious power, and that's the three words, possibility.
Switching to the case of M, it's not hard to realize that M's heart aspires to the direction of finance and financial services, and the leaders and colleagues he meets in the sales department are all typical sales practitioners. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers, so that they will be able to enjoy the best of both worlds.
And in this context, the leadership and colleagues seem to be kindly? The first thing you need to do is to make sure that you have a good understanding of what you're doing.
The final result of this consultation is that M is determined to pursue a career in finance, although it may not be as lucrative as sales in the beginning, as long as these two fields are practiced for a decade and a half, they can also bring a great deal of material returns.
So in my consulting report to M, the last piece of advice was?
? You should immediately, right away, explore the fields and careers that your heart loves, and if you're good enough, the money will naturally come after you.?
I know that M finally got his job at an accounting firm, and he said that business trips had become a regular occurrence, but the amazing thing was that no one said he didn't fit in any more. Instead, people saw a warm, sunny, and talkative young man, and he got a lot of positive feedback from clients, and the leadership was very receptive to him.
Yes, in a way, when you are in a group that can't satisfy your inner thirst, you will exclude people and things around you from the bottom of your heart, showing the side of aloofness and indifference, and in fact, if you are willing to follow the heart to try to find another way to find a group of people who share the same interests, you will be able to see the possibility of their own destiny from their own body and the direction of their future efforts, and your energy and potential will naturally be activated, and you will not have to worry about the future of the group. potential will naturally be activated and presented in a way that will impress you.
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