At 19:15, I was sitting at the end of the second floor of the steakhouse called Shore, facing the window. The floor-to-ceiling glass is transformed into a giant mirror by the reflection of the light, and I can look at the expressions of everyone behind me with impunity, with a faintly hidden pleasure. They were trying to be elegant with their shiny, sharp knives and forks, and the women were cutting off small pieces of meat, perhaps still bloody, and bringing them to their mouths in the soft glow of the light, smiling wryly.
They won't remember that three years ago, this place was filled with choking smoke, dark and gloomy, with silent keyboard breaks, the muffled buzz of computer fans, and countless women smiling at the white flooded screen. Coquettishly.
Written here, you may be tired of guessing whether there is a Bourgeois Bohemian Southeast Asian love story ...... But I have to say just my good friend Nana.
Nana sat quietly across from me, and we occasionally looked at each other with a knowing dark smile. And of course they wouldn't know that this Internet cafe with a weird atmosphere has an even weirder name, called Yao Yi. We've never been very good at pronouncing it, so we have to call it Fork Fork Fork Fork, pronouncing it as if there's been a huge mistake there. And we are now sitting in the seat used to be placed we do like the 48 and 49. Every night after eight o'clock, it started playing Marilyn Manson, staccato drums, hoarse vocals. Over and over and over. Hearing everyone's bone-chilling cold from suffocation. Um, Nana, I called her, your cuffs are dirty. She ignored me, keeping her head down and trying to step on her shadow, she was always so naughty. The dark red stain faded to the color of steak sauce in the warm yellow light.
Nana. How we met, I've almost forgotten. He gave me a distracted look then went back to looking for her shadow, the fool, the fool. It was an early spring, I think, I laughed, she brashly took my breakfast by mistake, and I only remembered those white gloved hands. Until my sophomore year of high school, when the arts and sciences classes were divided, I met this little devil-like girl again. It wasn't hard to recognize her in the crowd because she had an edgy and bizarre mark - she wore gloves all year round. The knitted, soft leather, pure linen, crocheted, embroidered, warmly and delicately wrapped around her slender fingers, but do not feel any warmth to the touch, and sometimes walk hand in hand with her on the street, I would think I was carrying a glove. This has always haunted me.
Nana smiled like a flirtatious kitten, there were three shallow 60° V-shaped wrinkles on the bridge of her nose, the corners of her eyes would be slightly raised upward by 15 degrees, in addition, there were three light brown freckles on her right cheekbone, lined up in a 45° isosceles right triangle. Even these I had measured accurately, so I could see that the classes were really hard. The most common thing I did was to put up my textbook, prop up my head with my arm diagonally, nod my head and smile thoughtfully with the rhythm of the teacher's lectures, read the horoscope magazines under the shroud of my textbook, take psychometric tests, eat plums sold by Paiyi, or play five-in-a-row with a paper ball on a chessboard drawn on the desktop, and occasionally make strange bets, such as when Nana once claimed to be able to make the plain girl behind her look pretty with her words, so she said to the girl in the morning study session that she was going to make her look pretty every day. morning study hall said to the girl: Your skin is actually very good. Your teeth are white. You smile brightly, the color of today's clothes matches you ...... magically that girl really became more and more spiritual day by day. Nana smiled crookedly, see, complimenting her is more effective than LANCOME, it's just a shame that there are so few people as unstinting as me these days!
Even if it is such a waste, every monthly examination Nana as long as the words five minutes time not formula shorthand once, math can also make a very good-looking score, and I, since high school into the school since the pressure did not pass! For my jealousy, Nana is always very proud of the raised eyebrows fart recite the old words: what is called talent, what is called day? I think the masters of the year like a forest of wind and clouds to stand out one is Park Qing and another is me! But then immediately complained like a little daughter-in-law, if you really feel injustice, just beat me. Well ...... I want to make it clear that Nana's year means the first year of high school, and child Park Ching is indeed the legendary task of math. Of course, I never bothered to beat her, grief played a role, but more importantly, she was more savage than me.
The parent-teacher conference after the split class is going to be opened, asked Nana is the father to come or the mother to come, she downplayed the situation and said, they are busy, have not come to open the parent-teacher conference it. She went on to say, what are you afraid of, hire one. We sat on the side of the street to study the purchase of a middle-aged woman, straight eyes bar many people looked away, and finally fell in love with a good temperament of the shoeshine woman, paid a deposit, and instructed her to remember to call us early in the morning to confirm it. Arrangements were made when we happily on the street to eat wildly, Nana has always been able to eat, in a good mood is to eat, not in a good mood is also to eat. She does not chew, just keep swallowing, non-stop, she said she likes the feeling of death support. That time she ate two orders of fried ramen, five salad buns plus a cup of milk tea! I've also seen her eat a roast chicken to the bone in 20 minutes, just like a cartoon!
On the day of the parent-teacher conference, her "mom" was late in contacting us, so we rushed out to the street and dragged a dumpling-maker to the conference. Nana led the "mom" to the teacher to introduce: this is my mom! The teacher was shocked, don't look at Nana's position, above the end of the sitting on the end of the shoeshine woman, is waving and nodding to Nana! Nana could only smile at the teacher's sweet ignorance, and turned her head to slip away. The teacher suppressed her anger: tell your parents to come to the meeting alone.
The night I feel as a good friend has the obligation to comfort her a phone call, the other end is again click click click bite something sound, it is not good to speculate on her mood, I am brewing wording, she is busy to take time out of obscure said: where ah, I immediately on the street have to find a pair of long term parents ...... By the way, tomorrow morning, we go to eat! The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for it.
This is very good ah ...... I just brewed a good word a time all blocked in the root of the tongue, can not catch the word to answer. I know that the Napoleons at Mai's Place are very good, with layers of puff pastry, custard pudding, and raisins, and that she has found her "parents". I wrapped my index finger around the phone line in a bit of a daze, and it was great.......
I've been to Nana's house, and the floors are warm and colorful. Although the floor is a warm color tone, but the air in the room to eat cold; although piled full of pits and valleys of furniture, but clearly there is something is empty. Nana's little dog would be overjoyed at the prospect of people coming over, pouncing on you and barking incessantly, wagging its tail so hard to please that it almost broke it. Nana boredly drank down its enthusiasm and ordered it to go stand in punishment, and by the time we finished eating, that little treasure was still standing obediently on the couch, its front feet slumped against the wall, not looking back with a soft, supplicating gaze in anticipation of its owner's amnesty. Nana rubbed messy little treasure's parted head: they come back less, I don't care, it's little treasure is too lonely. Her eyes penetrate the window far to the side of the sky, the look as if an old man after all the vicissitudes of life calm. I wanted to ask her about her parents, my lips moved, but finally did not say anything.
I often look at Nana on the roof of the building for a long time, she walked slowly with the sun on her back, she talked to others with an excited face, she sat on the steps and drank a large mouthful of water, she was quiet and looked at another person, she played the strange pose ...... she was like an elf infested in all corners of the campus. From any angle, she is no good. Delicate and thin waist, proud and delicate bust line, soft and flying short hair, I can even see her light feather-like eyelashes from the side shadow of the ground, and feel the sunlight reflected from her brown pupils. How I loved her in that moment
B Nana, I love you
The dimly lit evening study session forced us to find all sorts of weird excuses to go out for air. Tiptoeing down the stairs and seeing the empty playground gave me the urge to run and scream with open arms. There were two swings at the end of the track, and Nana always closed her eyes and swung it as hard as she could to the highest point, then dropped it as fast as she could, and swung it again and again, feeling the fear of being slightly weightless. The cold wind passed through her body quickly, before it could even be inhaled, and she thought of a bird in the night desperately longing to fly but with its feathers clipped, flying up and falling down, again and again, in vain. Nana finally tired, the body a little flat tilted down, looking at the zenith of the sky such as broken diamonds like wantonly flow of the stars grinning: half summer, looking at the sky in this way, will be mistaken for a dark blue lake, those trees are like the reflection of the growth in the water, I will feel that I have become a fish, heh ......
She softly sang her favorite This little leprechaun wore a light lipstick every day, although not school rules but still pleasing to the eye, a flash. Her rustling voice pierced bluntly through the lush sorrows of our youth, and my heart still clenches violently when I think of nights like this three years later.
She suddenly took my hand, go, go to Yao Yi see handsome! I forgot to say, three years ago, Internet cafes are still very few, especially when there is a young handsome boss of the Internet cafe is still very attractive. Nana used to read his name to me many times, but I still can't remember it until now, and I insisted on calling him Hijack.
On 48 Hop 49 at the end of the second floor, you could just about see the man at a certain arcane angle. Every time she passed that half-covered door, Nana always held her breath and carefully peeked at him out of the corner of her eye, her eyes heavy and distant. Her hand trembled slightly with the force of her tugging, and I could even feel the warm dampness under her hand steaming through the cracks in the fibers.
I'm not a fan of men who set up internet cafes in such a somber, death-gothic manner. Hijack looked Japanese, the lines of his face lean and withdrawn, as if he hadn't been born to smile. Occasionally, when we brushed past, the eloquent Nana would suddenly choke on her speech, trying to restrain her hand from touching his face. There was a fierce, sudden pulse at the base of her fingers, as Manlyn Manson, once, then again.
Nana, are you in love with him? I finally asked her. As if she hadn't heard my question, she gently swung on the swing and sang her song "On the Edge of My Eye". I don't know how long it took for her to jump off the swing and suddenly turn around and giggle, "Hey, he asked me out tonight. My swing rope lost balance and swayed a few times, I was a little disoriented. This ...... is very good ah, I watched my difficult open arms under the starry sky spinning, spinning, stirring the rich night color, the air began to swim in the strawberry sweetness of her lipstick, her face is flooded with happiness that I have never seen.
The days that followed, the spot beside me began to stay empty for a long time, and I felt more alone than ever. Even if she came to class one day, she was either sleeping on the table or studying diet recipes. Potato meals, apple meals, vegetable soups, and eating until she vomited. Occasionally she remembered to talk to me for a while, and the subject was no longer horoscope snacks or pretty stickers.
Half-summer, he not only looks cold, even his lips are cold, heh, do you think he has poor circulation.
Half-summer, he took me to meet his friends, everyone smoked, I had no choice but to light one, it was actually fun.
Half a summer, the day before yesterday I drank a dozen pineapple beers in the Mambo, on the couch drunk all day and night, very useless, right ......
Half a summer, do you think he would like me to dye my hair red or purple?
Half-summer ......
I looked at Nana in silence and watched her disappear from my world little by little with the scent of decay, and I couldn't let her go because I loved her so much.
Yes, for the first time in all the time we've been at the same table I had a fight with her. At first she retorted angrily, then just frowned in boredom as she endured my sharper and sharper words, waiting until my hysterical yelling subsided. Her gaze lingered longingly on my still violently heaving chest, and she said calmly that he loved me. Looking at the determination in her eyes, I suddenly felt that all this is ridiculous, can not be suppressed strange laughter, who are you kidding, how can a person like him love a sneak peek at his little girl! Hahaha ......
Finally, a few days later Nana started school again as I had hoped, although she didn't talk to me much, there was the occasional inexplicable giggle, the occasional soft thud of tears hitting the pages of a book, and more often than not she just lay there motionless, breathing heavily. It saddened me, but no matter what, I felt quiet inside whenever she was around.
On the 7th day of the cold war, Nana was already in a much better mood, and started humming and reading some miscellaneous books and laughing secretly again. I was relieved, nothing is not over, this is true in. Nana suddenly touched me with his arm, bloomed a long time to see the splendor: you have seen the farewell Vian, I miss the inside of the Joe Oh! I disdainfully looked toward the sky, pretentious! Nana's mouth kept the arc of a smile but did not speak again.
She didn't show up for class in the afternoon and went to Shanghai alone, something I didn't know until after she returned. She described every moment of her time in Shanghai with her eyebrows raised. Half-summer, I met a nice guy on the plane, helped me put my luggage under a blanket and drove me to the hotel and then left without saying goodbye ...... I also went to the bars on Hengshan Road and South Maoming Road, and worked at McDonald's for a day at $3.50 an hour
......\\\\ H?agen-Dazs has a beautiful ice cream store, the house is very strange / strange color / with the dust, lol ...... in Hua / Pavilion / Isetan / I saw a man who looks / like / / Takeno / / / Nei / / Toyo / a smile picking out a ring, the woman who can make him smile must be very happy... ..., I looked at the Shikumen, the moss-stained walls, the narrow #// cramped attic ...... on the Bund as it grew light, the river wind so strong, I missed you.
The trip seemed to make her happy, and skipping class and taking a little punishment was worth it. We laughed at each other, and as we watched, we both welled up with tears, our fingers interlocked as if we were going back in time.
April 26, two weeks after the rain finally cleared up, the ground water due to the reflection of the sun presents the blue of the Tandong, I do not want to eat cookies to escape the morning line to sell Meng's siu mai. When I was carrying a paper bag idly dawdling time just bumped into Nana hurrying downstairs. Hey, it's almost time for class, and you're still running out? Do you want a siu mai? She turned back hurriedly: I'm too tired, go home and take a nap. I just watched my Nana disappear at the end of the bright sunlight in the late spring morning.
Seeing her again, surprisingly, was at the funeral ceremony! The make-up artist had applied a harsh, poor quality lipstick on her, and she lay pale and silent inside the glass coffin, asleep. I heard her mama's heartbreaking cries as the cremation workers expressionlessly pushed the flat car into the FH furnace filled with orange and blue flames.
She slit her slender wrist at 3 a.m. on the 27th, and the hot, sticky blood washed over the staggered palm lines of her hand and gurgled along her fingertips as it flowed onto the wooden floor, seeping into every crack, and all of her gloves were cut into messy pieces and scattered on the floor, stained with scarlet splotches and totems. The white shirt on her body is still snowy, blood only in the cuffs stained with a small bloom to the extreme has been decadent dark flowers.
There were tears in my heart secretly raging and stirring but could not fall down, watching the teacher lecture is strange body language and distorted board I have been smiling. There must be, there must be something wrong.
The cause of her death was a big deal for a while, and there were all kinds of versions of it, the pressure of going to school, the pain of losing a love affair, the fear of an early pregnancy, and even rumors of a ridiculous love affair, and everyone was talking about it in graphic detail. I ate lunch is to hear a boy behind the loud talk about he witnessed Nana often in the pool vomiting, eighty percent is a hahahahaha ...... a group of people wantonly laughter pierced into my estimation. I swallowed a mouthful of rice full of sweetness and walked over to their table, grabbed a bottle of coke, looked at him for three seconds, turned and angrily gurgled and poured it over his disgusting mop head, and said, word for word, that it wasn't the truth.
Yes, no one knows the truth , except me.
C Nana I love you
Nana used to read my palm once upon a time. She stroked the lines of my palm delicately into the sunlight, while laughing and cursing: you're a lucky guy, old and undead, and you'll see that you'll have twins! The reverse sunlight dyed the light fluff on her face into a light golden color, and she looked up at me with a surprised face. What a warm freeze frame. I also made a fuss to calculate whether she would marry twice, she hid her hand behind her back how refused to show me, we laughed madly and hit the mess ...... She suddenly converged to hide her smile and looked y at me: do you really want to see my hand? Her sudden seriousness made me freeze for a moment, she lowered her head and slowly pulled down her gloves, and then I saw a pair of how mottled hands, large and small round white spots from the wrist all the way to the fingertips, devouring Nana's delicate skin. I can't describe the shock and instantly lost the ability to speak. I subconsciously grabbed Nana's hand and held it tightly, without gloves she would be cold. She finally sobbed uncontrollably when she felt the warmth of my hand, and then I hugged her and cried too. I had touched the most painful wound in her destiny.
One day when Nana was in junior high school, she suddenly noticed a fingernail-sized pale white spot on the back of her hand, and soon more white spots sprang up, and they kept expanding and encroaching. I went to the hospital and learned that this disease is called leucoderma, and it is not contagious and does not bring about organic damage. Nana was only slightly upset and did not realize that they had cast a heavy shadow on her life. I know that one day a classmate quarrel, the boy was Nana blocked speechless, in a fit of anger, pointing at Nana contemptuous said: flower hand! Behind the classmates because of this intuitively apt analogy of the child laughed back and forth, no one noticed Nana's face is rustling slippery tears.
This was the first time Nana cried in public because of her hands, and it would be the last. On the bus, you can always hear all kinds of shocked whispers, people look at the hand, and then look sideways at its owner, the eyes sharp knife by knife lynching her confidence and courage, Nana just silently endure. Sometime when she met her mother's colleague with her child, Nana reached out her hand to the girl in a friendly manner, and her mother's screaming exclamation suddenly pierced the air: ah! Why do your hands look like this! Don't touch her, don't worry about contagion! Her disdain drew sidelong glances from some passersby, and Nana's hand froze in mid-air before dropping house-legally. She turned around in dismay amidst a sea of curious stares and went home to put on the first pair of gloves of her life. If everyone else would just be cruel and keep uncovering her wounds then Nana would have to lick clean the blood of Maitreya in solitude and use the gloves to bandage the fissure that would be ready to spurt blood day and night. No longer would there be tears.
Nana choked on the hurtful past as she dropped her tears, our clasped hands stained with warm tears. She looked up, her eyelashes glistening with tears, Halfsia, am I really that ugly?
I admit I was crazy, I was crazy to protect my fragile Nana. After that one and only fight with her, I became more and more afraid that that bespectacled man would snatch Nana away, that any unintentional disgusted look from him, any look of contempt would pierce Nana to the core. There was no stopping Nana, so I had to go talk to Rob.
Jack sat in front of me and kept looking at his watch, he seemed to be having a hard time taking a lecture from a little girl. I didn't mean to, I really didn't, but his disdain really angered me, my mind went blank and I impulsively yelled at him, If you abandon Nana because of her hand, I won't spare you! His faint gaze slowly moved to my face: you mean, her hand ...... My heart was instantly powerless to beat, and it seemed that all the cells were frozen and crushed by the cold body fluids. I don t know when he left. I really, bar not on purpose.
A few days later, Nana finally returned to my side, sniffing the smell of sadness that surrounded her, I imagined the kind of shock and instinctive disgust when robbed to see Nana's hand is, imagined the tragic smile on Nana's face and the heart Rui world complete disappointment. It was those same mottled hands that had crushed the only love she thought she had ever known, the love she had always craved. I was so guilty and scared that I tossed and turned at night, praying to God countless times not to let her leave me, I was willing to bear all the punishment for my sins.
How could I have known that Nana was going to Shanghai to say her final goodbye? Walking down every road of déjà vu with a bright smile, she appeared to the onlookers to be nothing more than a simple and happy passer-by. Leaving Shanghai on the last night, Nana stood in the hotel on the 17th floor of the glass window money, looking at the still unceasing traffic, looking at the four confused neon, looking at the slightly red floating thin clouds in the sky, looking at the vibrant and prosperous city, she numbly smoked a whole pack of three five. Early in the morning, she stubbed out the last cigarette and left quietly, without browsing.
Tired of getting off the plane, home lights, Xiaobao is busy and cheerful, someone is playing mahjong. Mom looked up in the heavy smell of smoke and noisy hoots and hollers, there quickly looked down at the cards in front of him, indifferently said, oh, you're out of school. Mississippi! Bumped! Nana walked straight into the room.
Many people are puzzled by the sudden death of a girl who usually smiles like a flower. Her mother lost her voice in pain: you say, why did she leave me! What she wanted I did not give her, computer cell phone new clothes, why? Why! Her mother never understood the disappointment and emptiness of Nana's heart, what she needs may be some kind words of encouragement from those around her, perhaps a smile of affirmation of the eyes of her beloved, perhaps a bowl of hot soup from her mother's mist, when she reached out with her hands, and nothing grasped, and that is how desperate.
Long after her death, it was as if I had cut off the other half of myself, and had been living the life of a walking corpse, which may have been in time a punishment from God. I filled the place beside me with new people, what I often did was to put up my textbook, support my head with my arm diagonally, read horoscope magazines alone, take more psychological tests alone, buy Kashiwaichi's sweet plums, and play backgammon with myself, with the occasional habitual sideways smile, but my side was already empty. I couldn't accept such disappointment several times a day, and angrily pinched my fingers until they were bruised. I stubbornly preserved the habit of gazing at her from the roof of the building, she walked slowly with the sun on her back, she talked to others with an excited face, she sat on the steps and took a big gulp of water, she was quiet and looked at someone, she played the weird pose ...... she wandered in every corner of the world, looking past, still so beautiful. One day I was lost in thought as I flipped through my English book, suddenly surprised to issue Nana's scribbled handwriting on the page header, left the morning of the disappearance, "Half-summer, my illnesses have gotten worse lately, they're spreading up to my neck, and I just can't wear the halter dress we bought together to spend this summer with you. Bye."
Long pent up tears blurred all the images and finally spilled out. In a trance of sadness, Nana opened the second drawer to the left of the bedroom table, lipstick, all I saw was lipstick. My Nana picked up a tissue and wiped away the lead on her lips with great force, lifted her face and looked at me shyly, look, this is the original color of my lips. In the dim light, Nana's snow-white lips had a perfect arc, and she was smiling.
You know, I was an accomplice, I conspired with that man and all the mean people to kill my favorite Nana. At any given moment, I see over and over again Rob sitting in front of me, his pale gaze slowly moving to my face: you mean, her hand ...... An unknowing premeditation thus began, and everything plunged into ruin. Yes, I can not do anything, but I have to do something, I have been day and night punishment crushed to the point of breaking. I picked up the phone and heard my own calm voice: Is the General Administration Bureau, I want to report a black Internet cafe ...... Well, the fire ventilation conditions are extremely poor, the environmental atmosphere is very unhealthy, many minors pack the night ......
21:08, I sat in the This is called the shore of the steakhouse on the second floor at the end of the window position. The floor-to-ceiling glass after the reflection of the light into a huge mirror, behind the table changed table after table of the lingering men and women, women are still cutting off small pieces of meat, perhaps still with blood, with the soft light into the mouth, coquettishly smiling. I looked at the opposite glass for a long time, there is a person sitting quietly, the coffee in front of her is no longer meant to be hot, that is my own shadow. Suddenly I remembered, Nana, I love you so much, but I have forgotten to tell you personally that I love you.
Full text up anon 。。。。。
It's so hard to remove sensitive words line by line