01
Our neighborhood has a Chen grandmother, his eldest son is to the daughter-in-law to fight the divorce lawsuit, this lawsuit not only involves the two sides of the property issue, but also involves the two children custody issues.
It's such a tense lawsuit, but Granny Chen doesn't seem to care at all. Instead, she's either dancing or playing mahjong when she has time, which is not at all like a mother's state of mind.
Chen is a retired university professor, her husband is also a university professor, they two old very powerful, the family's three children all raised to become a doctor. All three are now executives in Fortune 500 companies.
For people inside the neighborhood, Granny Chen and her husband are a godlike couple, not only kind, but also very good at raising children.
For this time the eldest son of the divorce lawsuit this matter, a good person specially to go to the Chen grandmother what attitude, did not expect the Chen grandmother a sentence back: this is their husband and wife, I am an outsider, should not be interfered with!
02
Our own son and daughter-in-law fought a lawsuit for property and child custody, and finally, as a mother-in-law, she said she was an outsider?
In this amazing country of China, this statement really threw me for a loop. Because in my consciousness, at this point, the mother-in-law should be defending her son to accuse her daughter-in-law, helping her son to hire the best lawyers to sue her daughter-in-law, in addition to the neighbors and relatives to spread rumors that her daughter-in-law is a bad person for what she has done wrong.
In short, they should do their best to fight for their son's property and grandchildren, and at the same time earn face!
And surprisingly, Granny Chen did not do a single thing, on the contrary, she went to play mahjong quite bashfully.
Afterward, I met with Mrs. Chen and asked her this question. Who knows, she first smiled and then explained to me in a serious manner: I am in a parent-child relationship with my son, and my son and daughter-in-law are in a husband-wife relationship. In a healthy family, it should be the husband-wife relationship that takes precedence over the parent-child relationship because only when they are stable in their work and life will this big family be harmonious. Of course, since these two relationships are totally different, I am not qualified to intervene!
According to what Granny Chen means is to say that when the son gets married, it should be the wife who is more important than the mother. Because these two young people are the backbone of the family, and even if there is any conflict, it's a problem within the couple. After all, the marriage is their voluntary knot, the conflict is also the two of them, as a mother-in-law there is no need to participate in it.
Simply put: In the relationship between husband and wife, marry and daughter-in-law, you can forget the mother!
03
This new interpretation of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is indeed an eye-opener for me.
In real life, it is estimated that most people are unaware of the root causes of mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflicts, and thus spend their entire lives in mother-in-law-daughter-in-law struggles.
For example, some women complain that their mothers-in-law are too harsh on them, but turn a blind eye to their husbands.
Some women try to get their husbands to help with the laundry, only to be criticized by their mothers-in-law for being lazy.
......
This would have been a small contradiction between the husband and wife, which should have been resolved privately, but the mother-in-law "crossed the line" to accuse the daughter-in-law of this time mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions on a complete outbreak!
Perhaps there are many mothers-in-law will say, this is my son, why I can not help him?
Although he is your son, he is not your husband! As a mother-in-law, the last thing you should do is to take the power of paternity and interfere in the issues between your son's husband and wife.
This is also the most fundamental cause of mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflicts: mothers-in-law do not position themselves well, and arbitrarily go to meddle in all the things about their sons!
The end result is that the daughter-in-law will hate her.
04
The strange thing is that although the daughter-in-law is rebelling against her mother-in-law's "hegemony", she herself is unconsciously cultivating her own "hegemony".
For example, some parents often show off their children in their circle of friends and think they are the most beautiful and lovely people in the world. Even when he's this young, you've already figured out that his future date can't be from out of state; and if the date you find dares to bully him, you're sure to fight back to clean up that date.
You think about it this way, is not yourself also seems to be "inherited" some of the mother-in-law's "vices", like to insert a hand in the children, nominally said to be for their own good, in fact, you yourself are also sick of this kind of practice.
As a mother, you should let your child go out to struggle, even if he fell, as long as there is no injury to the body, you can watch him from afar, even if there is a pit in front of you, you have to watch him fall down and climb out. Isn't it said that failure is the mother of success? In my opinion, this time and again to fall out of the pit, that is accumulating his own experience.
There is a saying that the pits that God arranges for you, none of them will be less.
For a son, marrying a daughter-in-law is really about "forgetting" your mother, because you've got a family and a new role, so you need to understand that the relationship between husband and wife is the basis of happiness for all the relationships around you, rather than moving your mother out of the way.