A giant spirit's palm broke me out of the dense net of depression and pain, and I croaked out my first sad cry.
Opening my eyes, one of my legs was still lifted upside down in the palm of the giant spirit, and I saw my own red, luscious two little hands, dancing in the air above me.
The other giant spirit's palm gently held my waist as he smiled and turned back to a woman lying on her back on a white lathe and said, "Great joy, what a fat boy!" On one side, he gently set me down in a small basket covered with a white cloth.
I struggled to look out: I saw many nurses in white coats and hats milling about, wordlessly surrounding the woman. She was pale and her face was covered with sweat. She groaned slightly, as if she had just awakened from a nightmare. Her eyelids were red and swollen, and her eyes were half-open with disorientation. She heard the doctor's words, her eyes rolled back, and tears welled up. Letting go of a hundred hearts as if, she smiled wearily, closed her eyes, and mouthed, "It's been so hard on you guys!"
I then cried out, "Mother, it is us who have worked hard, we have all just struggled out of death!"
The white-clad nurses were in disarray, and wordlessly pushed my mother's lathe out. I too was lifted up and out to the door. The doctor beckoned, and at the end of the canal, a man walked through. He, too, seemed to have just awakened from a nightmare, and only then joyfully stretched out his two hands, wanting to embrace but not daring to do so, and gazed at me with a look of pity and amazement; the doctor laughed and said, "Is this child well?" The doctor smiled and said, "Is the child well?" He mumbled as if he was embarrassed, "The child's head is really long." At that moment I felt my headache, I cried again: "Father, you do not know, my brain is squeezing really painful ah."
The doctor laughed, "But no, so loud!" A nurse stood by and picked me up with a smile.
Into a large room filled with sunlight. Under the walls, lined up side by side, were many small white-framed beds, in which lay children. Some were sleeping peacefully with their arms raised above their heads; others were crying, "I'm thirsty." "I'm hungry!" "I'm too hot!" "I'm wet!" The nurse who held me, as if she hadn't heard me, just drifted swiftly, serenely, past their beds and into the inner bathroom, where she placed me, head toward the hose, flat on the stone table next to the water basin.
The warm water from the head of the hose sprayed over my head, and all the sticky blood washed down. I winced, my mind immediately refreshed. I looked upward, across the water basin, opposite the stone table, there is a small child lying, another nurse, also washing for him. He had a round head, big eyes, dark skin, and a firm, uplifted chest. He was also awake and staring out of the window at the sky without a word. By this time I was lifted up, and the nurse gently held me by the backs of my shoulders and dressed me in my long white gown. The little child was dressed too, and we owed it to each other to face each other across the basin of water. The nurse who washed me said to her companion with a smile, "That child of yours is so strong and big, but not as white and pretty as this one of mine!" At that moment the little child looked up and gazed at me, smiling with what seemed like a light, compassionate smile.
I shyly and softly said, "Yes, little friend." He also said modestly, "Hello, little friend." By this time we had been placed in two small framed beds next to each other and the nurses had left.
I said, "I'm in so much pain, it was hard to struggle for the last four hours, aren't you?"
He laughed, clenching his little fist, "I don't, I've only been bored for half an hour yet. I didn't suffer, and neither did my mother."
I fell silent and sighed in boredom, looking around. He reassured me, "You're tired, go to sleep, I need to recuperate for a while too."
I was picked up from my thick sleep and carried straight to the large glass door. There were several teenage boys and girls standing in the canal outside the door, the tips of their noses and both hands pressed against the glass of the door, like a group of children, standing outside a window displaying Christmas presents, in that greedy, envious way. They were laughing and pointing at each other and talking about how my eyebrows looked like my aunt, my eyes like my uncle, my nose like my uncle, and my mouth like my aunt, as if they were trying to annex me in bits and pieces.
I closed my eyes and tried hard to shake my head, but I realized that my neck was hurting, and I cried out, saying, "I'm just me, I don't look like anyone, let me rest!"
The nurse laughed and turned back with me in her arms, and I could see them taking two steps forward and two steps back, laughing at each other and pushing their way out.
The children also woke up and greeted me, "You're up, who came to see you?" I was put down on one side and said, "I don't know, maybe my aunts and uncles, several young men, they all seem to love me."
The little friend smiled again without speaking, "You are so blessed, it is the second day since we arrived here, and even my father I have not yet seen."
I didn't realize that I had slept for such a long time. At this time, I felt that my body ached better, but the bottom was wet again, I also learned to cry out in a broken voice, "I'm wet! I'm wet!" Soon a nurse came and picked me up. I was very happy, but I didn't want her to give me water first.
It was about dusk when three or four nurses came in, their hard white dresses clattering. They picked us up in droves and changed our diapers one by one. The children rejoiced, saying, "We're all going to see our mothers, goodbye."
The little ones were with everyone else and rolled out in the big bed cart. I was picked up and carried out. After passing through the glass doors, they walked into the first house on the right side of the canal. My mother was lying on a very high white bed and greeted me with a look of eager surprise. The nurse put me on her arm and she very shyly unwrapped her arms. She seemed to be very young, with very dark hair tucked back, and eyebrows arched and pale as a crescent moon. The bloodless, pale white face, set against very large, very dark eyes, was like a stone statue in the shadow of a dim circle of lamps on the side of the bed!
I opened my mouth to suckle the milk. My mother nuzzled my hair with her cheek, and fiddled with my fingers, and looked at me carefully, with seemingly infinite pleasure and wonder. --
Twenty minutes passed, and I hadn't eaten anything. I was hungry again, and the tip of my tongue ached, so I opened my mouth and let the nipple fall out, crying out in annoyance. My mother was terrified and couldn't stop shaking and patting me, saying, "Little baby, don't cry, don't cry!" On the other hand, she hurriedly rang the bell, and a nurse came in. My mother laughed and said, "There's nothing else, I don't have any milk, the baby is crying, what should I do?" The nurse smiled and said, "It doesn't matter, sooner or later there will be, the child is still small, he doesn't care yet." One side then came to hug me, the mother fondly let go.
When I returned to my bed, the little friend was already in his bed first, he slept soundly, smiling at times in his sleep, seemingly content and happy. I looked around. Many of the children were happily asleep. A few were half-awake, humming as if they were playing, and crying a few times. I was hungry and thought about how much I cared about my mother's milk not knowing when it would come, but no one knew. Feeling jealous and ashamed as I watched everyone sleeping with full stomachs, I cried loudly, hoping to get attention. I cried for a good half hour or so before a nurse came over, pouted daintily, patted me, and said, "Really! Your mommy doesn't feed you enough, drink some water!" She put the nipple of the water bottle in my mouth, and I whimpered and swallowed, slowly falling asleep.
The next day in the bath, my little friend and I were again lying on either side of the water basin talking. He was in high spirits. Under being pressed into the wash, he shook his head, half-closed his eyes, and said with a smile, "I had a full milk yesterday! My mother's dark, round face is very pretty. I'm her fifth child yet. She told the nurse that it was the first time she had been in a hospital for a baby, and that she had been referred to her by the Salesians, and that my father was very poor, and a butcher, slaughtering hogs." --Then a drop of boric acid suddenly sprinkled his eyes, and he cried out several times in disgust, struggled to open them again, and said, "A pig-slaughterer! What a pain in the ass, the white knife goes in, the red knife comes out! When I am old enough, I will follow my father's example, and slaughter pigs,--not only pigs, but also those pigs who generally do their best to eat and do nothing!"
I listened quietly, and when I got here hastened to close my eyes without saying a word.
The children asked, "What about you? Have you had enough to eat? How is your mother?"
I also excited: "I did not eat anything, mother's milk did not come down it, the nurse said a day or two will be. My mother is so nice, she can read, there are many books piled up on the table next to her bed and flowers on all sides of the house."
"And your father?"
"Father did not come, she was alone in the house. She didn't talk to anyone either, I don't know anything about father."
"Is that a first-class room," affirmed the little friend, "one room for one person! My mother's place, however, is bustling with activity, and holds a dozen beds. Many of the children's mothers are there, and the children are well fed."
Another day passed and saw my father. He was on his side, leaning against my mother's pillow as I nursed. Their faces were close together, watching me. Father's very emaciated face. The color of his skin was yellowish. Very long eyelashes and good eyes. As if he often loved to think, there were often slight wrinkles on his forehead.
Father said, "This time to see fine, this child is very beautiful, like you!"
Mother smiled and gently touched my face, "It's like you too, with such big eyes."
Father stood up, sat on the chair next to the bed, holding mother's hand, gently patting: "Now, we will not be lonely, I come back from class, I will help you take care of him, play with him; on vacation, we will take him to travel to the mountains and play in the water. --The boy must take care of his health, not like me. I'm not sick, but I'm not strong ......"
The mother nodded and said, "Yes--he must learn music and painting early, too. complete yet! And ......"
The father laughed: "What kind of 'family' do you want him to be in the future? Literary scholar? Musician?"
The mother said, "Anything - he's a boy. China needs science, and I'm afraid a scientist would be best."
At this point I was unable to smack the milk out of my mouth, and was so upset that I wanted to cry. But as I listened to them talk with such gusto, I kept my mouth shut.
Father said, "We should save up for his education, the sooner we do that the better."
Mother said, "I forgot to tell you that my brother said yesterday that when the child reaches the age of six, he will give him a small bicycle!"
The father laughed and said, "The boy sort of has everything, his cradle, didn't his sister give it to him?"
Mother hugged me tightly, kissed my hair and said, "Little baby, how good you are, so many people love you! You are big, to be a good boy ......"
Holding full of joy, I went back to bed, but also do not care about hunger, look up at the little friend, but he is again in deep thought.
I greeted with a smile, "Little friend, I see my father. He is also extremely good. He is an instructor. He and my mother are discussing my future education. My father said that he would try to do whatever he could to help me. Mother said it didn't matter if I didn't have any milk to eat, I would go home and have powdered milk, and later on, orange juice, and ......" I said in one breath.
The children smiled, like pity and contempt: "You are happy huh, I am home after, there is no milk to eat. Today my father came and told my mother that someone had asked her to go as a nurse. In a day or two we shall have to go! I went back to follow my grandmother, who is over sixty years old. I eat rice soup, dried cake ...... but I don't care!"
I was silent, all the joy that filled my heart vanished, and I felt ashamed.
The child's eyes, put out the light of pride and bravery: "You will always be a pot of small flowers in the flower room, the weather does not invade in the delimitation of the temperature, delicate open. I, on the other hand, am the grass by the side of the road. I have to endure the trampling of people and the storm. If you look out of the glass window, you may pity me. However, in my head, there is an infinite sky; in my surroundings, there is endless air. Free butterflies and crickets sing and fly beside me. My brave and humble companions cannot be burned or cut. At people's feet, green dots all over the world!"
I was embarrassed enough to cry, "I wouldn't want to be so delicate myself! ......" I said.
The little friend, awakened, eased up, and comforted me, saying, "Yes, none of us wants to be different from the other, but all kinds of things separate us, - see later!"
The snow outside the window could not stop falling, pulling the cotton rubbing the general, the green tiles evenly stacked on a few snow gutter. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it," he said. Children because his mother to go to work, also want to go back before the year. We only have half a day to get together, a sea of people, we have to disappear in a chaotic city clamor, when can we again in the same roof tiles, sleep against the feet?
We looked at each other fondly. In the twilight, the child's face, in my dizzy eyes gradually enlarged. The tightly closed lips, the locked brow, the far-away eyes, the slightly protruding chin, everywhere showed rigid determination and courage. "He slaughters pigs-slaughters people?" I thought, my small hands stretching at the bottom of the coverlet, sensing my own insignificance!
Returning from my mother's, the news reported to each other was that we had all gone back tomorrow - January 1 - instead! My father was afraid that there would be too many things to do on New Year's Eve, and that my mother would not be allowed to rest when she returned. My little friend's father, however, did not ask his mother to leave the hospital because he had gone out himself on New Year's Eve to avoid debts and was afraid that she would be surrounded by creditors when she returned. We have another day out of nowhere!
Since the middle of the night, we have been hearing firecrackers, and they have been coming from far and wide. In the snow, the sound of a few cold dogs, seems to tell us that a period of life's enmity, this is a small end. In tomorrow to put on the false mask of modesty and joy first, this night, to try to swallow, resentment, crying. Thousands of firecrackers, gloomy streets and alleys, I do not know how many thousands of horrible emotions lurking in the stirring ......
I shuddered, looking back at the little friend. He bit his lower lip, a child did not say a word. --The night, slow-flowing water, the flow of the past will be fine. In the morning, I heard my little friend sighing in his bed.
The sky was bright. Two nurses came in with New Year's smiles on their faces and bathed us. One of the nurses opened my little carry case and dressed me in my little white flannel tights over my long white flannel undershirt and pajamas. Outside, I was dressed again in a one-color pea-green flannel lab coat, hat and socks. When she was finished, she picked me up and said with a smile, "
How beautiful you are, look how well your mother dresses you!" I felt so soft and comfortable, yet so hot, I was so cranky I wanted to cry.
The children were lifted up as well. I froze, I hardly recognized him! He wore a big, thick, blue cotton jacket, with big, long sleeves and stitching; underneath was an apron of faded blue cloth. His arms were stretched out straight, his head was buried in a big green cotton hood, and he was as bloated as a kite! I looked down at the two identical sets of white garments, piled up on the floor, which had been removed from us, and I suddenly shivered. We had been separated ever since, everything about us spiritually, materially, forever!
The little friend also saw me, and smiled a smile that seemed to be proud and ashamed, and said, "You are so beautiful, this beautiful warm and soft dress! My body, is my armor, I want to go to the battlefield of society, with others to fight for food ah!"
The nurses hurriedly picked up the white clothes on the ground and threw them into the basket. And hurriedly carried us out. Walking to the glass door, I could not help but cry. Children can not help but cry, we waved our hands and said: "Children ah! See you later! Bye!" As we walked along, our cries were lost at both ends of the tunnel.
Mother was already dressed and standing in front of the house. Father was standing next to her, carrying a small suitcase. When she saw me coming, my mother reached for me, looked at my face carefully, wiped away my tears, snuggled up to me, and said, "Don't cry, little baby! We're going home, a happy home, and Mommy loves you too, and Daddy loves you too!"
A wheelbarrow was pushed over, and my mother put a little pea-green fleece blanket around me and carried me on it. My father followed. After thanking the doctors and nurses who saw them off and saying goodbye, they all went down the elevator together.
Through the two glass doors, I saw a car parked in front of the entrance. My father stepped forward and opened the door, blowing in a flurry of snowflakes, and my mother rushed to cover my face. It seemed we got out of the wheelbarrow again, out the door and into the car, the door slamming shut. Mother lifted the blanket from my face and I saw the car full of flowers. I was by myself in my mother's arms, with my father's and mother's faces sandwiched between me.
By this time the car had turned slowly out of the gate. Outside the door of many foreign cars crowded, they have to give way to the moment, looked up and I saw my ten days to kiss the little friend! He was in his father's arms. His mother was carrying a green cloth bag. Both stood sideways together in the doorway, their backs to us. On his father's head was a green felt hat with a wide brim, and on his body a large green cloth cotton robe. Under this wide brim, the little child lay on his shoulder, facing me, snowflakes falling between his eyebrows and on his cheeks. His eyes were tightly closed, and on his face was a smile of rueful pride ...... He had begun to enjoy his struggle! ......
The car drove out of the door and sped on and on. Snowflakes fluttered on the road. I could faintly hear the gongs and drums of the New Year. My mother was beside my ear, snuggling up and saying, "Baby ah, look at this a flat white world ah!"
I cried.
August 5, 1931, Haidian. Haidian.