Lecturer: Pei Xia, a registered psychologist of the Clinical and Counseling Psychology Registration System of Chinese Psychological Association, a teaching expert of the "National Training Program" of the Ministry of Education, a cooperative tutor of master students majoring in applied psychology in Shandong Normal University, an outstanding teacher of national scientific research, a winner of the Eighth Youth Science and Technology Award in Jinan, and a winner of the May 1st Labor Medal in Jinan. Famous "Middle Durban" and "China-America Class" students. Paula. Ellman, long-term supervisor of the International Psychoanalytic Society? Skills training and supervision, accepted the case supervision of American clinical psychologist Arlene and German psychologist Hermannschultz. He systematically studied psychoanalysis, group therapy and family therapy. , and is good at adolescent psychological counseling. He was hired as a psychologist by many news media, education bureaus and schools.
0 1: overview: systematic family therapy
Why did you choose this theme? Family education must face an unavoidable proposition: "How to solve the practical problems of each family." Even if it is a correct view, its implementation must go deep into a private space-"family" to intervene and coach. Different families have different internal connections and motivations. The viewpoint and technology of systematic family therapy can help us to see what is happening in different family systems.
Definition: "System" in psychotherapy is a method of observation and description. This observation method always links individual behavior with specific situations and the whole observation framework.
Scene 1: A man suddenly falls into a coma.
His condition is not caused by illness, but the maladjustment of a healthy body to the fierce environment. If the doctor's attention continues to focus on the patient himself, then the patient's condition may remain a mystery. Inspiration: When we see that a child has a problem and you are puzzled by this problem, it may inspire us to look at the environment in which the child lives: family, class, and the small group to which he belongs.
Scene 2: The man in the garden
This is the behavior of Lorenz, a master of animal behavior, when he dressed as a mother duck in the "carving experiment" of ducklings. He said, "I feel very fulfilled because my duck waddled behind me and behaved very obedient." At this time, I suddenly looked up and saw a row of dead gray faces outside the garden: a group of tourists stood outside the fence and looked at me in horror. "Inspiration: When you see a student, no matter how ridiculous TA's behavior is, if you can see everything, maybe you will understand TA.
Definition: Systematic family therapy starts from the relationship between a member and other members, not from internal factors to explain his behavior.
Scene 3: the little boy robbing money
"Turn symptoms into relationships"
Family therapy and its characteristics: systematic family therapy is a school of psychotherapy that pays attention to the influence of interpersonal relationship and interaction on psychological problems under the guidance of system theory. Do not pay attention to the analysis of the internal psychological structure and state of family members, but pay attention to the interaction and relationship between family members; Explain personal behavior and problems from the perspective of family system; Personal change depends on the change of the whole family.
02. Enlightenment to family education
First, second-grade girls who are afraid of going to school.
Systematic family therapy hypothesis;
1. Dad was found cheating and the family was in crisis. The girl wants to protect the family from disintegration.
Girl: "I'm afraid this family will fall apart."
Triangular relationship: As the most basic concept of family therapy, triangular relationship mainly refers to the structure between parents and children. A balanced structure can ensure the healthy growth of children, while an unbalanced structure will trap children in the family and hinder them from developing an independent self. In the family system, if there is a contradiction between husband and wife, both parties or one of them may have obvious anxiety. At this time, in order to relieve anxiety, another family member will enter the relationship between husband and wife, balance their relationship and form a triangle relationship.
Important theory: when two people are faced with contradictions that cannot be resolved through consultation, they often introduce a third party; Triangular relationship is a buffer between two people. After introducing a third party, you don't have to face the extreme results in the relationship between two people. A more stable and balanced triangular relationship will prevent the system from breaking, but it will also prevent the system from improving; In the triangle relationship, children are often blocked from self-differentiation, and various symptoms will appear.
One side of the triangle can be a person, a job or a hobby; Triangulation is different from triangulation; When anxiety cannot be contained in a single triangle, a chain triangle can be formed.
Triangular relationship: if the third party is only temporarily involved, or both parties are forced to solve the problem quickly, then the triangular relationship will not last long. If the third party intervenes for a long time, the triangular relationship will be fixed and become a stable relationship, which is called triangular relationship. Generally speaking, the higher the degree of family integration, the more obvious and intense the triangular relationship. At this point, the members with the worst degree of self-differentiation in the family may be hurt.
Three types of triangulation:
1. Hostile competition: The two sides of the conflict are very hostile and both want to compete with each other by fighting for children. Performance: Parents are hostile and children are in a dilemma.
2. circuitous transfer: the conflict between the two sides is more hidden, and the pressure is carried out through the children. By increasing the child's deviant behavior to cover up the contradiction, the focus is shifted from the relationship conflict to dealing with the negative side of the child or the parent-child conflict. Performance: exaggerating children's problems, thus transferring the tension between husband and wife. Children will create problems to transfer the tension between parents.
3. Intergenerational alliance: One or both parties in the conflict try to get children's support for the other party. Performance: "Parents' Fighter".
The problem is not only a manifestation of poor family function, but also helps the family to stabilize the situation and achieve temporary peace. This calm is at the expense of the normal social function of some members. Often there is something wrong with the system, and individual elements in the system have become scapegoats.
How to intervene? Reminder: Don't do what system members have been doing. -Disturbance: Let visiting families leave the "equilibrium state" that has solidified at present.
[If! supportLists] 1。 ? [endif] When a family describes their son's absence from school, they seem to say, "Come on, please let him go to school." Another example: a single mother came with her children. She was exhausted. "Please help me and take care of the children!" "Especially when the problem is obvious-the husband is drunk every night; The little boy attacks every classmate-it's easy for you to agree to your family's request and start with the symptoms. Then, you become a member of the family and participate in the action of maintaining symptoms.
Intervention: 1. "I can see that you love your parents very much, and you would rather give up your studies and future for their relationship." 2. "You love your parents. For them, you would rather bear the burden that you should not bear, even if it is misunderstood. " Interpretation: You are not an irresponsible, disobedient and non-school child. You are a responsible child, willing to sacrifice your child for your parents' marriage.
Second, the husband and wife who hold their own words
Husband and wife dispute: the difference in the order of segmentation events is the root of countless tangled relationships.
Math problem: A-A+A-A+A...=?
Three possible grouping ("segmentation") forms are as follows:
( 1)S =(a-a)+(a-a)+(a-a)+(a-a)+…
=0+0+0+……
=0
(2)S=a-(a-a)-(a-a)-(a-a)-…
=a-0-0-0-…
=a
(3)S = a-(a-a+a-a+a-a+a-a+a-…)
Because the element in parentheses is the sequence itself, it can also be written as s = a-s s = a-s.
So 2s = a, which means s = a/2.
Whose reason is it?
We are not looking for a problem, we are looking for a way.
Way out: understand the conditions of change.
The premise of change is a state of the nervous system.
What are System One and System Two? When we feel dangerous, we are in system one and we feel safe in system two. The system 1 is characterized by narrow vision and high concentration. (Example: 20 17 Music Festival, Howie does her homework)
Way out 2: resource orientation
Problems are often accompanied by resources. There are always available resources in the system, as long as you have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering.
Case: Girl and Dad. Resource-oriented: the antonym of goodness is "kindness".
Way out 3: introduce time and space.
How long does it take for your family to wash dishes after supper? Do you have any conflicts of opinion about similar things?
1. Take the conflict of relationship as time difference: my time is not your time.
2. Introduction space: My background is not your background (mother-in-law relationship: mother-in-law is a foreigner)
Third, a teacher's question.
"Some students have nothing to say and giggle with you. Some of them are not ready. The difference is really great. How should we grasp this scale as a class teacher? "
[If! Support list] 4. [endif] Family structure of three main cases
1. "Heal My Child" Family: Features: Parents present a unified picture, that is, they agree that children are the cause of family problems and that as long as their children are good, everything will be fine in their family. But parents can't see the influence of family on the problem and the opportunity to solve it.
Goal: (1) Ask your parents what they want you to do. (2) The idea of being friendly, but doubting that you can cure anyone. (3) At the beginning, ask parents and family members how to solve the problem situation together. (4) evaluating children; (5) Encourage parents to become agents of change in the family.
? What not to do: treat children individually! Especially/kloc-children under 0/2 years old. (Why? )
The nuclear family is an emotional unit. The core family emotional system is as follows:
(1) Anything that affects individuals will also affect others in the system.
(2) Anxiety is the most important in the emotional system.
(3) Anxiety shuttles between two or more people in a group, which is contagious.
(4) The area where anxiety shuttles is the boundary of the emotional system.
2. Overinvolved and alienated families:
Features: (1) Over-involvement: A parent's behavior is over-involved with his children, and it is difficult to set the structure and boundaries. (2) Alienation: The other parent appears alienated and indifferent, acting as a disciplinarian and trying to seek support.
The excessive intervention and alienation of parents' communication usually show complementary patterns.
Objective: (1) To bring alienated parents into the treatment process; (2) Help parents see how their differences cause problems; (3) Try to improve their relationship and build a united team; (4) Help the alienated people to support the excessively involved people to become stronger, instead of continuing to take over the boundary setting. What can't be done: rebuild the family structure in treatment and polarize parents at the same time.
3. Overwhelmed single parents:
Features: (1) lacks structure and consistency, and appears disorganized; (2) Frequent history of abuse or spouse abuse; (3) In the cycle of guilt and inability to cope.
Objective: (1) To improve parents' ability through skill training; (2) Encourage and support parents to overcome emotional barriers; (3) Divide the problem into more manageable parts; (4) It helps to reduce the environmental pressure.
What you can't do: take over to save your parents and build your dependence on you.
V. Parents' educational disputes
Home scheduling (Helm Stirling)
There is an unconditional loyalty between children and parents, so parents naturally have to give their children what they think is important. These missions are often unfulfilled pursuits or unmet needs of parents. Allow and encourage entrusted children to leave their parents' circle and go to the outside world with a mission. But this kind of departure is often strictly controlled by parents.
Dispatching deviation: the requirements are too high; Contradictory missions and conflicts; Sub-conflicts caused by conflicts between commanders; Have a mission but can't leave home; There is no clear task.
Thinking:
1, what did your family send you?
2. What is your homework for the children?
6. Angry parents of primary school students
"I lost my temper with my husband today, but I can't help it. I am mainly angry with him. The child has just entered primary school, which is too critical. How can he be so impatient and really angry! "
Family life cycle: school-age children often test their parents the most: how to deal with the contradictions brought about by different educational concepts. At these times, many couples often blame each other for not understanding themselves, cooperating with themselves and supporting themselves, but they don't know that many conflicts, contradictions and pains in marriage are mainly brought about by the family life cycle, rather than poor family work.
Examples of drift:
At every turning point in the family life cycle, the family must do two things:
1. Change your own rules
For example: when a baby is born, the world rules of two people are different; Adolescence is different from primary school.
Everyone has to go through psychological changes and enter an unstable stage. In order to survive in this unstable state, we need a relationship that can be sustained as a stable framework.
In the transitional period, families need more maternal functions.
Reminder: we should also pay attention to happy events at home, because it will bring new challenges: marriage, giving birth to a baby, promotion, decoration, junior high school, junior high school, university and so on.