Family role confusion
The author often meets some middle-aged couples in psychological counseling, complaining that their sons or daughters are only teenagers, and they talk to their parents, either blaming, cursing or even beating and cursing, while their parents submit to humiliation, and there are various common psychological problems in the family. In other families, the wife is the leader of the unit, which has formed the habit of cultivating people over time. She often scolds her husband when she comes home, which makes the couple lack equal emotional communication. These phenomena are the abnormal relationship between family members, or that everyone's role in the family does not match. This is the role confusion, which will cast a psychological shadow on every member of the family and cause confusion in the whole family. So you need a psychiatrist to treat you at home. The focus of treatment is to correct the roles played by family members and improve their communication. The following examples can illustrate how to solve this kind of problem. Xiao Gong, 17 years old, has been quiet and obedient since childhood. Mothers usually have higher requirements for their children's learning, and sometimes even "corporal punishment" for their children because of learning problems. However, after entering the third grade of junior high school, Xiao Gong often contradicted his parents' criticism, and gradually developed to beat his parents when he was slightly dissatisfied. His parents never dared to criticize and blame him again.
Psychologists found the following problems in their conversations with Xiao Gong and his parents: 1. The patient was spoiled from childhood; 2. Father has no prestige at home; 3. Lack of language and emotional communication between family members of patients; Mother often scolds father, and son can give orders to parents. It can be seen that the roles within the family are chaotic and the hierarchical structure is unclear.
The initial goal of psychologists' family therapy is to try to make patients' parents see the defects in the family and let them improve through their efforts. The way to deal with the chaotic roles and unclear hierarchical structure of families is: for example, any organization, such as the army and the country, without hierarchical structure, society will be chaotic and everyone will be in danger, such as the situation in Iraq today, which is almost out of control. Family is the basic unit of social organization. Family needs democracy, but it doesn't mean there is no hierarchy. Xiao Gong's parents think that the doctor's analysis is reasonable, but Xiao Gong's mother thinks that the family hierarchy is unclear because of her husband's cowardice. After in-depth analysis, the doctor made his wife realize that her husband's weakness is actually related to her intolerance to her husband, and she needs to be instructed to support her husband more at ordinary times.
For the patient, the doctor gradually made him realize that violence against his parents is "a kind of anxiety", because after entering the third grade of junior high school, how to get into the ideal high school has caused great pressure to the patient. After a long time, you will feel anxious, nervous and impatient, and even vent your bad feelings by beating your parents. The doctor introduced some ways to deal with setbacks to patients, and instructed patients to treat their parents as friends and teachers, discuss with them more and get help from them. After a period of individual and family therapy, the patient's mood gradually stabilized, and he could talk to his parents normally at home and actively review his lessons to prepare for the senior high school entrance examination.
Husband and wife relationship problem
As the saying goes, "home and everything prosper" refers to the importance of harmony and stability of a family. The relationship between husband and wife plays a key role. The disharmony between parents and children can not affect the stability of the family, but the contradiction between husband and wife often leads to the breakdown of the family. In today's society, most couples are free to fall in love before marriage, and they are kind and loving at the beginning of marriage, and some are even romantic. But why do many couples turn against each other after several years? The basic reason is that with the passage of time after marriage, the feelings of husband and wife for each other have changed, and the requirements for each other have also changed. However, it has not kept pace with the times in emotional cultivation.
When in love, lovers try to maintain and develop their relationship with their feelings. There are no special rights and obligations between lovers stipulated by law. All communication is voluntary, and lovers' efforts are also regarded as the performance of mutual love by each other. After marriage, both husband and wife need to fulfill their rights and obligations according to the marriage law or engagement. When husband and wife take care of each other in life, they contain less and less emotional elements, and both sides have more "should be so" elements. For example, if your spouse does something for you, you won't be grateful, but the same behavior of your spouse before marriage can arouse your emotional ripples. This psychological change is an erosion of love.
In psychological counseling, it can be found that many couples who come to counseling have less praise for each other after marriage, which will make the other party doubt whether their spouses still love themselves wholeheartedly as they did at the beginning. If both sides actively understand each other's shortcomings, many misunderstandings and contradictions will be alleviated or eliminated. For example, the husband resents his wife for being too wordy and meddling in his affairs all day. We can interpret it as that the wife always thinks about her husband and wants him to know that her behavior is her care and love for him.
In addition, husband and wife should be close and have an appropriate "distance". This distance contains a lot of content. First, it means that husband and wife can respect each other in their daily lives. Husband and wife should think of each other in all matters involving both parties or families. It is necessary to consider whether the other party is willing to do it or not. When one party does something good for the other, the spouse says "thank you" in good faith and gives the other a sweet kiss, which is conducive to the consolidation of the feelings of both parties. Secondly, from the aesthetic point of view, people found through research that a nude female picture can only give people a temporary sex appeal, while a female picture in Shimada Hanzo can give people a permanent charm. Therefore, in order to attract each other, don't act rashly in front of your spouse, so that both husband and wife can maintain and enhance their charm.
What is a healthy family?
Every family has different backgrounds, such as economic environment, education, occupation, housing and neighbors. Within the same family, each member's personality is also different. Family background is not the key to family happiness. The relationship between each family member and their attitude towards the family will have a far-reaching impact on family health. The following factors are necessary for a healthy family and the ultimate goal of family therapy. 1. Each member can regard his family as a small group living together, and everyone can cooperate with each other to maintain the stability of this group. As parents in the family, we should clearly realize our responsibilities and be responsible for the affairs of the whole family. We should understand and cooperate with each other when dealing with family problems. Especially the education of children. Keep step with the same principle. At home, all members can talk, exchange and express their opinions easily and handle family affairs together. Never solve a problem in a rough way. The whole family should not only maintain a close whole, but also allow each member to develop independently. Especially when children grow up, parents should help them gradually get rid of their dependence on their families and start to move towards their own world. If a family lacks the above factors, it needs to make family adjustment, otherwise family problems may occur, leading to personal psychological problems and family crisis.
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