Personality defect is the biggest obstacle to our success. We need to understand the problem of family background as soon as possible, find out our own personality defects and try to change. It's a long road, so we might as well start now.
Three ways to get rid of the shadow of family background and repair personality defects. First, dare to make mistakes, grow from trial and error, and be confident from iteration.
None of us like mistakes. Think that mistakes are equal to failures. Then, through the biographies of successful people, their success history has never been smooth sailing. Trial and error is one of the ways, as long as it is established within a small controllable range.
Making mistakes is the only way to grow up, and mistakes will be punished, so parents never want their children to make mistakes. Making mistakes is actually human behavior instinct. Our life is like a wrong book. Only by clearly listing my mistakes can you know my shortcomings, and I should pay special attention to this place.
Second, lifelong learning can improve the quality of thinking and break the inertia of thinking.
The way to break all sources of wrong cognition is lifelong learning. This is the lowest risk and lowest cost growth. Only when you have enough knowledge can you understand more things and understand the truth that you didn't understand before. It is necessary to be curious about this world, because it has always been the key for you to break yourself and improve yourself. Through reading and learning, we will establish our own perfect knowledge system, and strive to promote it, polish ourselves with actions and internalize ourselves.
Third, interpret parents' behavior patterns and get rid of the influence of family background.
Besides professional psychologists, the only person who can get rid of the behavior pattern of family background is himself. Give yourself a day to get along with your parents, observe their behavior, find the same behavior as yourself, and then record it. Give yourself time to think and see clearly the family pattern between yourself and your parents, so that you can get rid of it and get a good healing and repair of your personality defects.
How is the personality defect caused by family background formed? First, keep denying the child "if only you were not born!" This sentence should be particularly familiar to all families, including myself. I used to be naive and would say to my children: I just want to put you back in my stomach now. In fact, these two sentences have the same "magic", and even it can affect a person's life.
In life, we often can't help but say, "How can you be so useless!" I am no stranger to this sentence, because I have often heard this sentence in my life over the past 30 years.
Every time you hear it, you should feel your heart pounding, then your heart beats faster, you have difficulty breathing, you are nervous and anxious, and then you are irritable and numb. The magic of this sentence has made me still unable to let go. Even now, I will feel guilty for a long time because of a seemingly unimportant mistake, and I am not confident enough and deeply rooted.
If I could go back in time, I would definitely choose to be beaten when I was beaten and scolded. Those invisible scars are more difficult to heal than those on the body.
Second, the use of violence education When faced with a crying child, most parents will be agitated and anxious from time to time, thus generating the impulse to hit the child. Parents who are violent to their children are often born in violent families themselves, and child abuse in adulthood is mostly a repeat of childhood experiences.
There are many such experiences in our lives. Parents sincerely say to you, "I did it for your own good."
When a child does something wrong, parents will take corporal punishment to maximize the interests of the child. They believe that only by strictly demanding that children obey rules and sticks can they be educated to grow up and take fewer detours. However, corporal punishment can not only make children strong and brave, but also lead to the seeds of fear in their hearts.
Stick education is actually the most failed way of education. In this way, it is difficult for children who grew up in such a family full of violent education for a long time to understand right and wrong.