Bad family relationships can lead to children's mental illness. The following family relations and children's mental illness are prepared for everyone, hoping to bring inspiration and thinking to everyone.
One of the social factors that affect children's mental health is the family environment. Research shows that those children who grow up in a monotonous and harsh environment will be hindered in their psychological development and will inhibit their potential development. Parents' attitude towards children is also an important factor affecting individual mental health. If children can establish and maintain a good relationship with their parents at an early stage, it will play a positive role in promoting their social adaptation and interpersonal relationships in the future. Excessive protection and harshness of children will also affect the development of children's independence and self-confidence. Therefore, establishing a psychological atmosphere of mutual care, mutual respect, democracy and harmony among family members is a necessary condition for the healthy growth of children and a fertile ground for the healthy development of individual psychology.
As parents, we must first establish a good relationship between husband and wife. As the former Soviet educator Suhomlinski said,? True love between parents is the most important spiritual force in educating children? ,? As parents, we should first educate our children by caring for each other? . If, between husband and wife? Two days of fighting, three days of fighting? Or strangers can cause children to be depressed, depressed, insecure, suspicious, sensitive, uneasy, and at a loss. In severe cases, abnormal personality and anti-social behavior will occur. Only by establishing a harmonious, friendly, equal and democratic relationship between husband and wife can parents play a good role and establish a good parent-child relationship.
Parents must love their children if they want to establish a good parent-child relationship with them. Without love, there is no education. Lack of normal care will affect children's physical and mental development. Every parent loves his children, but not all parents will give them beneficial love, and not every child can grow up healthily from their parents' love. Psychologists point out that parent-child relationships that have a negative impact on children's mental health generally have the following types:
1, rejecting the parent-child relationship: parents are indifferent, neglected and even let themselves go. What do you think? The essence of a tree is straight? Take an indifferent attitude. This kind of parent-child relationship is easy to make children form cold, aggressive and emotional psychology. Parents' indifference will also make children lose interest in school life, have low emotional control, have poor academic performance, and are prone to illegal behavior.
2, doting parent-child relationship: parents are too fond of their children, too concerned, responsive to any requirements of their children, obedient, lack of reason and judgment. Children who grow up in this environment have strong dependence, poor autonomy, naive personality, unstable mood and weak will, and often show poor sense of responsibility and poor adaptability to the environment at school.
3. Dominant parent-child relationship: parents are in an authoritative position, and children must act according to their parents' wishes. Life is strictly restricted, which will cause children to be depressed, nervous and depressed, and have poor tolerance for setbacks. Children are always in a state of tension, losing their sense of security and belonging. Then form the personality characteristics of negative, passive and obedient behavior.
Observation 1: strength
A wife who likes to complain that Mr. Wang is a wimp, I don't know that she happens to be the reason why his bones are getting softer and softer. In children's early psychological development, the role of mother is far greater than that of father. You believe that the child is gradually separated from the mother's body and arms, which is correct. The relationship with mother almost determines whether everyone has enough sense of security, intimacy, happiness and growth motivation. However, during his initial growth and self-identity, his father was an important companion and guide. Facing adults and children with neurotic conflicts (fear, depression, anxiety, etc.). ) and behavioral disorders, it is necessary to make a detailed analysis of the mother-child or mother-daughter relationship in the early years, and we can often find a very strict, correct and responsible mother or a careful father like a strict mother. When dealing with such a family, should we persuade the mother to give the child a theory of making mistakes? Lies Fuck? Bad things? Freedom is sometimes harder than going to heaven. Because such a mother must be a very reasonable person, always rational, diligent and diligent, and conscientious as a mother and wife. When talking to them, I often feel a little short of breath and something is wrong. As early as the fifties, psychiatrists engaged in family therapy proposed? Marriage tilt? According to the psychological concept, one parent in a family tends to dominate the family in a destructive way, while the other parent appears dependent and weak and obeys it. In the process of growing up, children regard this tilted relationship as normal and lose the ability to become an equal relationship, either relying on it or being strong.
Observation 2: Tilting
In clinical treatment, it is often observed that the mother's role consciousness is too strong, which weakens the role of the father in the child's growth and even forces the father to dissociate from the intimate relationship and parenting relationship of the family. Because of the imbalance, there is no psychological buffer space caused by father's intervention in the interaction between children and their mothers, and they also lose the right to make adaptive choices about their parents' behavior. The behavioral reaction between children and mothers is simplified to obedience and disobedience. Over time, the motivation for growth is suppressed, and the desire for change and confrontation is exhausted, which leads to the lag of children's mental development. As shown in the cartoon, the aggressiveness of the mother is in sharp contrast with the cowardice of the father and children. Therefore, when dealing with it, you will involuntarily want to suppress your mother, forcing her to step back and help her father again, so that the child can feel better in the middle position. In fact, the family therapist is in no hurry to deny the scene on the screen. Tilting relationship? It usually means an inner compensation and harmony. In other words, without a timid father, there will be no strong mother, and it is difficult to distinguish between the two. Family therapists regard learning as a way of family existence, and analyzing children's problems is to maintain or destroy this relationship. If the family wants their children's problems to disappear, they can first ask the family if they are willing to change the tilted relationship and see how the children's problems will change under a balanced relationship. This is the choice of the family. Psychological counselors with a strong sense of right and wrong will unconsciously act as family judges, criticize their mothers who look strong but are actually very bitter and tired, have great resistance to treatment, and even cause their families to resent the therapists. Smart people will form an alliance with their mothers and seek their great help. The worst part is that a counselor tried to help her? Suppress the child and defeat the child's subconscious? Resist I think the fault lies with the children. In fact, most children's behavioral disorders are initially directed at families, especially the mothers of the closest people. If children want to change, parents should take the lead.
Observation 3: Balance
Mothers and children depend on each other, sometimes not to intimidate their husbands, but to protect themselves! ? Mother-child alliance? This is another description of family relationship by psychologists. Almost? Marriage tilt? The reversal. In some families, we often see a very authoritative father, reprimanding the mother for being too fond of and conniving at her children, while the disappointing children stick to their mothers wholeheartedly. ? Mother-child alliance? Often lasting and merciless. Such a mother-child relationship may be endless troubles in men's hearts. When you and your wife blush, you can read fear or anger from the child's eyes. Did you call him? Baby? He will stay away from you and even stop calling you dad. If you have the heart to give your child a little pain and find something awkward, you will immediately find yourself in a dilemma, because any dissatisfaction with your child will naturally come down to your wife, and your kindness will soon become a donkey's liver and lung.
? Mother-child alliance? There is also a psychological description of the father's absence in the family emotional relationship or power system, such as long-term going out, loose personality, laissez-faire, no sense of responsibility and so on. Mother-child attachment becomes the center of family emotional maintenance, and mother-child constitutes a kind of compensation? Get married? . In such a family relationship, the child is a leg of the father? Horse rope? Will the mother take the initiative to present or even exaggerate the child's problems to her husband, so as to show them to him? Ask for it? The care you deserve. In the eyes of others, such a mother has two children, one is a husband who will never grow up, and the other is a child who will never grow up. The third category? Mother-child alliance? Psychological description refers to those mothers with incomplete personality, inner insecurity, lack of self-identity, distrust of intimate relationship, and gain inner stability through deep attachment of subconscious mind to children. Generally speaking, the love between mother and child is an inseparable state of interdependence between mother and child from birth to two years old. Mothers who are dependent on personality will be fascinated by the pleasure brought by this deep intimacy, so that they will be fascinated by their children. Addiction? . In such a family relationship, the mother and the child sleep together until the child is very old, but the father often sleeps in the hall or in a small house. Sometimes, a weak father may become a marginal person or a wanderer with family feelings, and have to please his mother and son to maintain his position in the family.
Observation 4: Oedipus
According to the theory of family pathology, mother-child alliance? Let the child become a projection of the personality conflict between husband and wife? Container? Couples unconsciously pass on the problems of marriage to their children, and the children live like victims of marriage? Props.
Because the mother's personality and emotions have a strong recognition and internalization effect on the children in the alliance, the children's self-development is inhibited, and this inhibition will continue into adolescence and be released by violence. Similarly, the mother's excessive intimacy has also delayed the development of boys' gender identity and sexual consciousness, and many boys are engraved with words that they can't get rid of anyway. Russia's Pusi Complex? Oedipus plot.
Understanding mother-child alliance and clinical psychotherapy may be two different things, and psychological counselors will not stick to the above simple logical relationship? Mother-child alliance? . Generally, we first accept that this alliance is a state of compensation for family relations. Before the new balanced relationship is established, the mother-child alliance? This may be an effective mechanism for family internal balance. With this concept, psychological counselors can maintain a neutral position and have a wider observation angle. We will skillfully bypass the cause and effect given to us by our families, and we will not act as family educators or mediators of relationships. We maintain a high degree of respect and recognition for what the family presents us, and cooperate with the family to discover the possibility of various changes in the future, so as to reduce the anxiety within the family. We don't discuss why families are like this, nor why children have such problems. On the contrary, we are willing to admit that we know nothing about the cause of the problem. We are only willing to discuss this with our families? Mother-child alliance? How is it maintained? If the family chooses not to change the status quo, what does each member need to do to do it? An alliance? It doesn't look so bad. If the family chooses to change, how to establish a new relationship and how to maintain the sustainability of the change. In treatment, family therapists are very willing to sit on the same bench with their families. If they are used to sitting opposite their families and letting them throw their troubles and anger at them, it will be unbearable.
Observation 5: Slavery
People who do things will never do anything wrong! People who do things always start with mistakes. ? Double bondage? This is a classic description of family dynamics by family therapist batson. He believes that: the double bondage is the obvious contradiction between the relationship level and the content level when parents communicate with their children, which makes the family communication develop contradictory uncertainty. Family members don't know whether the other person cares about themselves or blames themselves. . As my father said: I did it because I love you! ? And the child knows that the next may be a catastrophe. Batson believes that this contradictory situation is the decisive factor of children's schizophrenia or emotional disorder. In China culture, parents like to hide their anger towards their children in a seemingly caring way. The worse the relationship between parents and children, the easier it is? Education? Vent one's dissatisfaction with children. As a result, children have long been in a paradoxical situation where the content level is concerned and the relationship level is hurt, and they cannot comment or resist these contradictory information. Slowly, children will use contradictory information to escape punishment, handle all relationships in a distorted way, lose the ability to develop a correct understanding of themselves and others, and delay personality differentiation.
In the cartoon, the mother said angrily to her daughter:? You see, you 15 years old and don't want to share some housework with your mother. You are so lazy! ? In other words, express an expectation of children's growth and express a disappointment and complaint about their daughters. The daughter should balance her mother's emotions and feel that she should do something. The daughter said to her mother:? Okay, do you want me to mop the floor? . It expresses a kind of obedience, even a kind of deliberate ingratiation, but it hides a kind of defense in its heart, fearing to continue to associate with its mother. When her daughter mops the floor, if she is praised by her mother, her response is successful, her heart is satisfied, and mopping the floor becomes the driving force for growth. But my mother shouted: Look at the floor you mopped! It's best not to delay. Raising you so big, you can't even mop the floor! ? The daughter was forced to be in a helpless and dilemma situation. In any case, she will lose, and there is no way out for change and unchanging. Do not mop the floor, continue to endure mother's accusations and complaints; Mopping the floor has to endure the mother's new accusations and complaints, and I am not happy anyway. Because of the contradictory information from the mother, the motivation of the child's growth is weakened. What is the feeling in the child's heart? I can't get rid of my mother's dissatisfaction with me in any case. ?
Opinion 6: Contradictions
Handle this? Intimate communication? It is the child who makes the child mature smoothly and finally wins. If parents are social elites, children may not be so lucky to get away with it. Parents don't talk to their children, but touch them when they talk? Soul? Until the child's heart is scarred.
Psychologist Theodore? Leeds studied the maladjustment of children from elite families in their growth, and found that the higher the family status, the more psychological problems children have, and the more troublesome it is to solve the crux. From a genetic point of view, children have contact with their parents because of their high IQ? Confrontation? It is easy to find or create an emotional or behavioral obstacle to effectively answer the dilemma and benefit from it. Psychological counselors see that many children's problems are caused by improper education and try to achieve a balance of family communication by educating parents. The idea may be good, but the effect is hard to predict. Some parents follow the advice of psychological counselors and become tied behind their hands and unruly when educating their children, which makes their children's psychological development face greater risks. Smart therapists don't embarrass their parents. On the contrary, show enough respect and affirmation to parents in front of children. Let's redefine family with family, shall we? Scene? Change the gifts our family gave us? Story script? Let the family get new horizons and new feelings. Shall we give it to the children? Symptoms? Or family conflict, which is an unexpected meaning, makes these contradictory information have a positive interaction. We also need to translate the child's inner feelings about his parents' education, so that he can see the selfless and loving heart hidden in education. We will use children's problems to give parents a vast world to show themselves, so that parents can be more like good parents and children can be more like good children. The purpose of doing this is to give us a hint:? Families must find hidden harmony in the conflict between love and education, so that the turbulent heart tends to be calm. ?
Opinion 7: Division
The scene in the cartoon is another description of family relationship by psychology? Divorce from marriage? Theodore, a psychologist in the 1950s? Liz proposed. When studying children's psychosis (manic depression), Liz thinks that there is no good structure and role differentiation within the family, and the husband and wife are too independent, lacking the necessary emotional communication and intimate dependence. Even strange bedfellows, a strange husband and wife, is estranged from each other, hostile and competitive, desperately trying to get loyalty and closeness from children, which makes them unable to adapt. Children will strongly feel the importance of instability and unity within the family, and quickly develop a kind of self-control, paying or swinging in the family's opposing concept or the one-or-one relationship model, in order to be self-sufficient? Split? Compensately meet parents' needs for family relations, so as to maintain unity in family separation and harmony in conflict. In such a family relationship, the balance depends on the courage of the children? Self-sacrifice? To realize it, children's problems are actually an important element of family maintenance. However, compensation is always limited. Once the buffer fails, the child may get into big trouble, either over-controlling his depression or venting his out-of-control mania, and continue to swing in these two emotional States. Excessive control of children may suppress this family conflict in their hearts and become the psychological root of adult neurosis or psychosomatic diseases. Out-of-control children are like rebels? Family reality? Forcing parents to change their attitudes and standardize their families is medically called child neurosis or child psychosis.
Observation 8: Helplessness
Children under double bondage have long-lasting inner contradictions and accumulated great anxiety. When a counselor enters such a family, it is easy to sympathize with the children. If you try to eliminate the contradictory information within the family by teaching your parents, it will easily lead to the dissatisfaction of parents with strong self-esteem needs. As a result, children are very scared in the consulting room, and sometimes they have to communicate with their parents by expressing their dislike for psychological counselors. An alliance? Put the treatment in trouble. For children with rebellious mentality or aggressive desire, such teaching encourages children to confront and blame their parents, leaving them in an embarrassing position in front of doctors and losing their dignity. Many psychological counselors eager for authority are keen to instill psychological thoughts into their families and train their clients, thinking that this will make the world peaceful. Parents with knowledge and understanding can still do this. For families with low understanding or deep contradictions, psychological knowledge is a double-edged sword, which will help more and hurt more, make families lose their ability of self-judgment and self-renewal, and push them to greater crisis and predicament.
Of course, many families are also willing to put all their troubles on the therapist, so that children can come to the psychological counselor for consultation on large and small issues, which makes the therapist miserable under the glamorous surface. Smart family therapists will bypass the value judgment of family communication mode and let parents and children experience each other's intimacy at the relationship level through family shaping (clinical family psychological drama), thus triggering their internal association. And create new communication modes, trigger new emotional experiences and promote family members' expectations for the future. In the conversation with family members, we should avoid expressing our views on the merits of family affairs flexibly and introduce an effective or invalid judgment instead.
Observation 9: Weaknesses
Another more difficult double bondage occurs in families with poor personality differentiation or emotional division. Children who obey their mother or father will be blamed by the other side, and no matter what they do, they will not get positive or negative views from their parents. Sometimes in order to avoid their own conflicts, parents' views include gangsters, or they go their own way and do not interfere with each other. Children can neither find the rules in the family nor form effective communication. Everything depends on parents' faces and guesses parents' thoughts, so it is difficult to adapt. A 28-year-old male consultant, unable to do anything and contact anyone, was diagnosed as schizophreniform mental disorder by a psychiatrist. Observing his family relationship, I found that there was no decent communication between his parents. When his mother spoke, his father shut up and his mother pretended not to hear. The client and his father are strangers, and his father seldom comes back to this home. I also found that the communication between the client and the mother is very little. If you want to speak, your mouth is a little vague, but your behavior is very tacit. Mother is very close to him. She can guess what he wants. Do you want to make it clear? It doesn't seem that important. In this family, the father's personality differentiation is relatively low, introverted, inarticulate, emotional indifference between husband and wife, no communication in the family, or nothing that can cause circular interaction between members. My efforts are to rebuild the family communication mode, reduce the substitution of mother and the emotional entanglement between mother and child, and promote the psychological development of the parties.
In treatment, we must realize this reality. The entanglement between mother and son is the emotional core of the family's continued existence. Until the new balance is born, you can only keep respecting it. I said to my mother, you have taken care of this sick child for ten years. Are you really a great mother? .
Opinion no 10: caring
When family therapists enter a family, they like to pay attention to some internal taboos that may exist in this family. We will ask our children what things in the family can only be understood but not expressed. We often find that almost all families have some restrictions on the content of communication, which represent their cultural awareness, power level and family's? Rules of the game? From this, we can also consider the intimate distance between family members.
Let's look at such a scene: the child comes home happily and says excitedly: Dad! Mom! I got 95 points in the physics exam today. ? Mom said seriously:? Don't be happy yet. What's the best score in your class? Dad went on to say, think about those five points. What do you want to lose? .
When the children put away their smiling faces, lost all their happiness and hid in their own cabins, their parents just smiled and said, our children are really nice, aren't they? . Worried that children are too proud to share their happiness openly, the communication within the family becomes boring, and the enthusiasm of children for parental recognition is also frustrated. Perhaps due to cultural reasons, parents in China are used to making decisions for their children, from dressing and eating to studying and getting a job. It seems that parents are negligent in taking care of their children. Most children who like Korean music don't talk about their feelings about Korean culture with their parents who like watching Korean dramas. If they do this, they must be asking for unhappiness. Children who like to be competitive dare not discuss interpersonal relationships with their equally competitive fathers, even if the discussion is a lie. Many children are forbidden to discuss the right and wrong of their parents or participate in emotional activities between their parents. The original intention of parents is to create an ideal living space for their children. In this way, they ignore the natural, vivid and diverse characteristics in the process of children's growth, which just makes children lose the opportunity to show their talents on the family stage and weakens the motivation for growth. Parents who complain about their children's lack of autonomy and independence are often people who suppress their children's independent thoughts and behaviors. A vicious circle? The family is deeply involved and can't extricate themselves. This contradictory scene in family education is described by psychology as family? False reciprocity? . The family in pseudo-reciprocity seems to be harmonious, parents think for their children, and children share their worries for their parents. In fact, everyone is depressed, restricted and unhappy.
Family therapy background
Family therapy, as one of the three mainstream therapeutic systems of psychological counseling and therapy in the 2 1 century, has been widely recognized academically and clinically, and has been widely used. Family therapy theory regards the family as a complete system composed of multiple subsystems, emphasizing that the problem of visitors lies not only in the individual itself, but also in the bad communication mode among members in the internal environment of the family. Observe and help family members show the current relationship and communication mode. By changing the relationship model, we can improve the family function, alleviate or eliminate problems, get the family out of the predicament and promote the development of the family and its members.
What kind of questions do experts suggest for family therapy?
1) Family therapy is mainly used for adolescent behavior problems, such as learning problems, making friends and neurosis, eating disorders and psychosomatic diseases, conflicts between young couples and so on.
2) When there are conflicts between family members, other treatments (individual therapy) are ineffective, or personal conflicts cannot be handled in individual therapy, or family has hindered individual therapy, family therapy can be sought.
3) Although the symptoms are reflected in someone, when there is a problem in the family system, the family is too negligent or too anxious about the treatment of the sick members, the family members ask to participate in the treatment of a patient, there is a recurrent mental illness patient in the family, and there is a communication problem with others in the family, so family therapy needs to be considered.
4) Patients with severe mental illness, paranoid personality disorder, sexual abuse and other diseases should not consider family therapy as the first choice. If there are other positive psychopathological problems, such as mood disorder and schizophrenia, family therapy can be used as an auxiliary means.
Family mental health education is a science and a skill. Parents should master scientific methods, keep learning and skillfully use them in mental health education activities. Then, what psychological methods are more appropriate for parents to educate their children on mental health? Family mental health education widely adopts the following methods:
1, relaxation training method. Relaxation training refers to the process that the body and mind change from a tense state to a relaxed state. Relaxation can be achieved through breathing relaxation, imagination relaxation, meditation relaxation and self-discipline. So, do you need to relax? When is the best time to relax? Parents should observe their children's performance and get to know them physically and psychologically. From the physical aspect, you can observe whether the child's diet is normal, whether nutrition is sufficient, whether sleep is sufficient, and whether there is moderate exercise. From a spiritual point of view, we can observe whether the child is calm, focused and calm. Relaxation training method mainly helps children to relieve learning pressure and enhance their adaptability.
2. Strengthen the method. Reinforcement method refers to the systematic application of reinforcement means to promote some appropriate behaviors or eliminate some inappropriate behaviors. There are four types of reinforcement: (1) positive reinforcement, that is, giving a positive stimulus. In order to establish a good behavior model, this behavior is repeated by means of reward until it is maintained. (2) Negative reinforcement: removing a negative stimulus, for example, an older child is still sucking in his mouth with his fingers. This behavior will be criticized as soon as it appears. Once this bad behavior stops, stop criticizing him immediately. (3) Positive punishment: that is, a method of giving punishment immediately when inappropriate behavior appears. This kind of punishment is unpleasant for children. (4) Negative punishment: that is, when misconduct occurs, the original reward will no longer be given. The reinforcement method is mainly to cultivate children to form good behavior habits.
3. Token Award Method. Tokens are symbolic enhancements, such as red stars, chips, cards, etc. Token method is a method to promote more adaptive behavior by using reinforcement principle. If a child is procrastinating and slow in doing his homework, and often finishes his homework very late, parents can use tokens as reinforcement to stimulate the child to speed up his actions and improve efficiency.
4. Fading method. Because there is no reinforcement, some learned reactions are reduced or stopped. If some children unreasonably want their parents to change their minds in order to get something, parents should tell them calmly? If you can't get it, it's no use crying? And do your own thing calmly and pretend to ignore it. Children don't get the corresponding results because of this unreasonable behavior, and this behavior will be diluted in the future when they encounter similar situations.
Parents' mental health education for children is related to their future life, future achievements and future life. This is a science, a technology and an art. As a science, our parents should follow scientific principles. As a technology, our parents should practice makes perfect; As an art, our parents should respect their children's individuality and creativity. It is our hope and responsibility as parents to let our children grow up physically and mentally and live a happy life.
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