Education is to light a flame, not to fill a bottle.
Unconscious humiliation education
Parents who bring their children home in the New Year can always become the focus of the topic.
"Come on, be generous and show us."
"Just sing a song! Why can't the child go to the operating table? Come down quickly. "
"Nothing, nothing, the child is still young."
Relatives nearby are beating around the bush. But mother was still very angry. This kind of Chinese New Year scene not only happens every year, but maybe we also experienced it when we were young. As everyone knows, this has already affected children's mental health.
When the child in the case returns to his mother, the mother will not stop there, and there will often be a criticism and education. Most parents who try to motivate their children by humiliating them will have the following words:
You are so stupid. How could you not have thought of this?
I know you can't do it. You have always been stupid.
It's you again, right? Why are you always in trouble? Can you grow up, follow some rules and don't always give others trouble!
Why do you keep crying? Are you bored? !
Why do these words hurt children so much? Because shame is usually interpreted as "I'm not good, and you think I'm not good."
When children think they are bad and people around them think so, they will feel unloved and unwanted because they are bad, so they will form a sense of rejection.
This feeling can lead to fear, because subconsciously, they rely on adults to meet their own needs. The refusal of adults is a matter of life and death for them.
Shame means that you are a mistake. Maybe now you can understand why some children cry and shout when they are in a hurry: Then why did you give birth to me?
In fact, shame can't make your children have positive emotions and results, but only make children who have experienced it have many counterproductive, subconscious and harmful coping styles.
Shame means that you are a mistake.
1, when you can praise and encourage, deny everything in one sentence.
The child did his homework and wrote it carefully for a long time.
When parents see it, they can clearly praise their efforts and their intentions.
But I blurted out: Why is your handwriting so ugly?
Hearing this, the child froze and didn't know what he had done wrong.
2. Use rhetorical questions when you can make it clear.
The child is looking for a schoolbag: "Mom, where is my schoolbag?"
Obviously, you can say, "On the sofa.
The exit is: "not on the sofa, in my hand?"
Many times, the child didn't resist asking.
It's time to talk back to people.
3. I clearly want to express my concern, but my concern is a blame.
It's cold, and I want to keep my children warm.
You could have said, "put on more clothes and don't freeze."
The mouth became: "it's strange that you don't freeze to death in such a small dress."
Children can't get love, they just fight: they don't care if they freeze to death. .....
I obviously wanted to express my concern, but it turned into a curse.
The child was naughty and came home late.
Obviously, it can be said: "It's dangerous to get dark, remember to come back early next time", but the exit is: "If you still know how to get back, die outside!"
Even years later, children may remember.
You want him to die outside for no reason.
I clearly want to express my needs, but I turn them into accusations.
The children came home from school and were doing housework by themselves.
Obviously, you can say, "There is a little housework left. Come and help your mother.
The exit is: "You are blind, so it's okay not to kill me?"
The child has a puzzled face:
Why should I help you with the housework?
6. I clearly wanted to express my distress, but I turned it into belittling.
The child accidentally fell down.
Obviously, you can say, "It's slippery there. Watch the road next time.
The exit is: "What can you do if you can't even walk?"
The child's body hurts, but his heart hurts more.
No one cares, you have to train.
Talking well is the good feng shui of a home!
1. Say more if you agree or encourage.
We should see the children's efforts, see their bright spots and praise them more. We should understand and accept children's dullness and shortcomings, and learn to be positive.
If you criticize or question, you should speak softly.
Always remember to turn criticism into effort and expectation. Children will be better! If you are in doubt, you should speak out calmly, so that children can fully trust their parents.
3. Request and objection should be respected.
Tell your child your requirements in a negotiated tone and give your child the right to choose and refuse. When opposing, seek truth from facts, explain the reasons, and give children enough respect.