These nude photos were published by Hong Kong Oriental Weekly magazine in 2002. Afterwards, she once fell into depression and wanted to commit suicide. It was Tony Leung Chiu Wai who saved her and spent the most difficult time with her.
Therefore, she said in an interview: "Everything has two sides. Because of that, I grew up and suddenly became enlightened. " He also said that he had forgiven everyone, including the staff of Oriental Weekly and the person who kidnapped her.
Yes, when people are hurt, they are only hurt once. If they don't let go, the damage will always exist.
Michael Chen and his ex-wife Xu Jing fell in love in 13, and they got married after Chen He became more and more popular. However, on 20 15, Michael Chen cheated and was drowned out by public criticism. However, Xu Jing didn't scold him or pester him, but only defended him.
After the divorce, Xu Jing went far away and started a personal trip. Xu Jing is not heartless, perhaps only she knows her own injuries best. But so what? One cannot put back the clock. Instead of clinging to the incompleteness of the old love, it is better to forgive him and restore a better self.
What happened to those who were hurt and never let go?
I have a visitor. When I was with my ex-boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend cheated on two other girls. She hated him very much, but she thought of what she had done to him before and was reluctant to break up, so she continued to put up with his infidelity.
She didn't leave him in despair until he became worse and worse to her and even touched her. Now that five years have passed, every time I think of him, she still feels unwilling, feeling that she has wasted so many years of youth on him, which is simply unbearable for her; When she really hated him, she couldn't help writing his name on paper and cursing while scratching. This emotional experience made her a little depressed.
Another reader told me that a female classmate in her university dormitory had a bad relationship with her. She always talks to her in sarcastic language, stares at her with ugly eyes, and deliberately frames her for stealing because of competing for Ban Cao's attention and affection, which leads to a very stiff relationship between her and her classmates. She has never forgotten that little man, even though she has graduated for many years now.
There is a saying: don't punish yourself with other people's mistakes.
But there are many people in the world who think that the mistakes made by others are unforgivable. They are so hateful and hurt themselves so deeply. Wouldn't it help to forgive them? No, we must let them get the punishment they deserve!
But these people forget that, of course, others have to pay for their mistakes, but the follow-up results of this mistake should never be borne by you! And you can't let go of people and things that have hurt you for a long time. Who is being punished?
Why forgive?
When you hate someone, you can't help but stop suffering. That kind of hatred is like a huge boundless net, and you are trapped in it like a weak flying insect. The more you struggle, the weaker you feel, and the more bound you feel.
It is true that you have been hurt, but the injury has passed, but you continue to hurt with hatred, which is undoubtedly another cocoon for yourself.
There is no reason for others to hurt. For example, you are treated unfairly, abused wantonly, sexually assaulted, morally kidnapped, and even deliberately framed.
You can't ask the person who hurts you to be fair, and you can't reason with him and say, "Why do you do this when you know it's wrong for me?" It's no use. What you need to understand is that he is that kind of person. He has that kind of idea, which is why he treats you like that.
But you should know that when others hurt you, it's their fault, not yours, so you don't have to hate yourself and feel worthless. When you can really distinguish between the bad guys and you, the harm of the bad guys is not the reason why you must suffer, and you will naturally forget about it.
Scientific research has proved that forgiveness can relieve people's depression psychologically and bring people a sense of hope and self-confidence; It also helps to alleviate the sub-health problems caused by negative emotions.
In the same way, people who cling to hatred are often more prone to psychological diseases such as anxiety and depression, as well as various physical diseases such as hypertension, vomiting and gastric ulcer.
Forgiveness can help us understand human nature and accept it. No one is born perfect, even in the worst case, every bad person may have some invisible bright spots, because you can't deny the law of this world: there is yin in the yang and yang in the yin. Think about yourself. Maybe you did something wrong and treated others wrong.
Forgiveness will make us have real compassion for the world, let us see what others can't see and understand what others can't understand. This is the freedom of the soul.
How to forgive those who have hurt us?
Speak your pain and face up to your inner feelings. When the pain is unbearable, it will be denied. However, denial is emotional repression, and emotions without export will only lead to self-destruction. Once you say your feelings clearly, you have a chance to face them directly. You can tell your friends, relatives and counselors. In short, choose someone who can understand you. You can also tell the injured person that if you think he can't accept it, you can write a letter, even if there is no chance for him to see it, it is very healing.
The Korean film "Yang Mi" tells a story about giving up depression and getting calm:
The woman's son was killed, and she persuaded herself to forgive the murderer, but when she saw the murderer's face that was not sad, she became more resentful. She killed herself and watched the blood flow out. Instead of trying to support her poor self-esteem, she ran to the street for help.
After she was rescued, she wanted to cut off her hair and start over, but the barber was the murderer's daughter. At this time, she is no longer hypocritical, but slams the door and shows the emotions that normal people should have. After going through many things, she finally understood that regret is a part of life, and facing up to her heart and not escaping is the only way to regain peace.
Make a choice. Forgiveness is a choice, and people have the right to choose under any circumstances, as long as you are willing to choose. Some people say that without choice, there is no progress. The meaning of this sentence is as South African President Nelson Mandela said: "When you move towards freedom, if you can't leave your sadness and resentment behind, then you are still in a cage."
Many times we can't let go, just because we won't let ourselves break through a certain boundary and "get better". Then, it is better to tell yourself that it is not a sin to choose to leave those injuries.
Rebuild or let go of this relationship. The relationship you have maintained with the abuser because of trauma will definitely have a bad influence on your life. For people who are not close, such as classmates, colleagues and acquaintances, it is easier to let go. You just have to choose this person to never exist in your later life.
But for those who are close, no matter how they let go, they will be inextricably linked, so they can only rebuild. You might as well ask yourself what conditions are needed for reconstruction, perhaps an apology from your parents, a confession from your lover or friend, or when they are very difficult. At this time, you can think about whether you have done the same harm to others, so should you apologize to others? When you think like this, you may find a way to meet the conditions.
Forgive yourself. Many times, we are both victims and perpetrators. If forgiving others brings external harmony, then forgiving yourself belongs to internal harmony. Forgive yourself, that is, accept your shortcomings and imperfections and understand that you will do something wrong, but mistakes are for growth, not for self-blame.
As mentioned above, forgiveness is not weakness, nor is it to admit that those injuries are right, but to accept them frankly after facing the facts, facing up to your injuries and understanding human nature. This is real courage.
Forgiveness does not mean that criminals will not be punished. Maybe his punishment had already come before, but you didn't give it to him. His punishment is his own, you just need to separate yourself.
As Oscar Wilde once said, "I must forgive you for myself." A person can't hide a poisonous snake in his chest forever; You can't get up every night and plant thorns in the garden of your soul. "Forgive you, not let you go, but let me go, so that the rest of my life can be as complete as it deserves.