Life is a book. If you live it, you will be calm.
Life is a river. When you wade it, you cross it.
when you write about a person's life, you can let it go after reading it.
everyone knows the main road to Jane. It's not that easy to forget the past.
46-year-old Hongmei was born in a village in the suburbs of Guanzhong Plain in the 197s. Time flies for many years. Whenever I think back to the past, I have bitter childhood memories, yearning for my youth, and stumbling over my hard work ... A long time ago, I wanted to write something about Hongmei, but I have been suffering from lack of material and chaotic thinking, so I couldn't write for more than a year. When a friend asked, he had to answer with a smile: soon, soon. In order to live up to my friend's true expectations, I have to sort out some fragmentary memories and string them together with a thread, so I can regard them as a memory of Hongmei.
Unforgettable bitter childhood
Now, it seems that people's life, from birth, to growing up slowly, until old age, is spent with childhood romance, youthful years, passionate dreams and to see the sun, for all his glory. Although there are also bitterness and even tears, happiness and happiness always account for the vast majority.
however, in the past hard years, some things were not as beautiful as they are now.
On a rainy night in the autumn of 1976, with a cry of "whoa ………………………………………………………………………………………………………", Hongmei was born in a small mountain in a village in the suburb of Guanzhong Plain. Dawn broke, the rain passed, and a rainbow appeared in the ravine. This is the first time I have seen this phenomenon. The villagers who came to congratulate me all said that this is a good sign. You call this crying female doll Hongmei. Parents also felt good, and everyone was happy. When they called, they called away, and the neighbors followed suit. Until now, the old people in my hometown still remember this thing. As long as Hongmei goes back to her hometown, she still cries like this.
The village of Hongmei is surrounded by deep gullies washed out by years. The soil on both sides of the gullies is very yellow and hard, and only a few scattered grasses and miscellaneous trees grow on the sloping land of the gullies. From time to time, some sheep look up and look so carefree. The houses in the village are all made of yellow mud, and each household has a small courtyard. The wall of the small courtyard is about half a person high and is also surrounded by mud. There are some chickens and dogs scattered in the courtyard. The chickens are walking back and forth for food, and the dogs are lying lazily in a corner, with their eyes closed and motionless.
in the era of "work at sunrise, rest at sunset, drink while digging a well, and eat while plowing", working in the production team was the only way of life for the villagers. According to the villagers' recollection, "At that time, the land belonged to the commune, the cows were public cows, and people were also called members. Every grass and tree in the village was public." "If anyone opens a wasteland, plants a piece of land and eats a fresh one, he will put a' capitalist' hat on your head, which is to' cut the tail of capitalism'."
The work of the production team is all collective work. If a worker works, he will earn a labor point. If there is more labor and more work, he will earn more points and get more food. At that time, a member of the production team was only worth 9 cents. In addition, "the yellow mud soil is not easy to grow crops, and the survival rate is low" and "the crops can't grow well after a long period of drought, and there is no good harvest at all. After one year, the villagers were not given enough food to eat, and the work money was also advanced in advance.
"Lack of food and clothing" and "relying on the weather to eat" are very common phenomena, especially when the food is green and yellow, except sweet potatoes, when it is slightly better, you can still eat a mouthful of dough, which is the dough blended with corn flour and boiling water. This is also the most luxurious food for children. Sometimes adults can't stand being hungry, so they have to secretly drink a few mouthfuls of water to suppress their hunger. On holidays, although you can have a bite of oily steamed buns, it's just to dig a hole in the buns, dig some oil with a spoon and sprinkle some salt. There is also a phenomenon that there is no needle or thread at home, and women are delivered by barefoot doctors, and the big and small diseases can only be carried hard. There is also a saying in the local area that "sweet potato noodles, sweet potato buns, can't live without sweet potatoes" and "no one asks without oil and salt, who can care who is hungry; How can you ask for money to go to the prescription after suffering from drought and heat? " These are the portrayal of the real life of the villagers in that era.
Hongmei is the boss, and her parents regard her as the apple of their eye and dote on her. Under the care of her parents, no matter how bad she ate, Hongmei lived happily and was full of childlike innocence. When he can walk, he is always so naughty, and that puppy naturally becomes the best playmate. From time to time, I climbed onto my father's back to carry it, and then crossed my feet over my shoulders to carry it. Hongmei's father is always obedient and doting.
The idea of "carrying on the family line and continuing the incense" has existed since ancient times, and it has been inherited in this village. Hongmei's parents are no exception. In 1978, when Hongmei was more than 2 years old, another little life landed in this farmhouse. It was a boy, Hongmei's younger brother. Despite the tight days, the arrival of a new life, and Hongmei's obedience since childhood, she also teased her younger brother from time to time, which once again brought endless joy to this small family.
As Hongmei grows up day by day, the children are having fun in her simple childhood, although there are not so many toys now. Boys just play with rollers and slingshots. The girls played house, cowhide tendons, shuttlecock kicking, hide-and-seek and hide-and-seek. In addition to being the companion of the puppy, Hongmei soon joined the girls' team and played her favorite games. Although the life is poor, the children don't seem to care. They should play as usual and be full of happiness as usual. Despite this, the pace of life is slow, and combined with collective labor, although the children usually eat baked sweet potatoes and batter, they are also very happy, and their faces are always full of happy smiles. People also live a very leisurely and calm life.
hongmei's father doesn't think so, because he has nothing to eat at the bottom of the tank, and he can persist with patience, but two children can't. The child is hungry and full, sallow and emaciated, looking in his eyes and anxious in his heart. Hongmei's father thought to himself, although it is impossible to open up wasteland for farming, it is better to find something else to do than anything else. "If you plan more food, the children can eat more and never starve to death." So I put my heart into it, and after I was busy with the work of the production team, I asked around about the work.
Hongmei's father is not very tall, with a thin figure and dark skin. He also looks very energetic and is a good worker. Soon, Hongmei's father found a hard job-digging coal in the mine.
despite all kinds of maladjustment at first, looking at the current situation at home, two children who are just like skin and bones can only bite their teeth and stick to it day by day. I gradually got used to it. Although it is more bitter and tiring, Hongmei's father is really good, and he works and digs coal. When I got home, I saw two young lives, and my heart was as sweet as honey. I forgot all my fatigue and did everything. The more I worked, the more energetic I became, and the harder I worked. In the coal mine, where others thought it was dangerous and didn't want to go, he thought it was ok and went; He also voluntarily undertakes things that others are afraid of hardship and fatigue and are unwilling to do. This is three years.
In 1982, when Hongmei was 5 years old, when Hongmei's father was working in the mine, he obviously felt that his physical discomfort was getting worse. He coughed from time to time before, and slowly got more phlegm. He also felt chest pain and breathing was not so good. In spite of this, Hongmei's father thinks that the production team and the mine are too tired, and it will be fine after a rest. He didn't take it seriously at all, and he didn't tell Hongmei's mother about it, so he persisted.
"It rains all night", but it never rains alone. When Hongmei's father and mine friends were digging coal deep in the shaft, they were seriously injured in a collapse accident. After being sent to the health center of the production team, due to the poor conditions in the medical center, they only had some dressing treatment. Because the family is very poor, we can only choose to stay in the health center of the production team. In addition, the injury is too serious and the lung disease is aggravated. No matter how strong the tough guy is, he can't hold on, so he quickly falls away.
in the countryside, it is hard to imagine the present situation of life in a family without male labor. The pillar of Hongmei's family is gone, and Hongmei's mother is also distracted day by day, crying all day, so the family keeps crying, and the crying scenes and sounds also make neighbors feel very worried. In this way, the home was shrouded in gloom.
Since my father left, the lives of the young Hongmei and her younger brother have taken a turn for the worse, and the life at home has also undergone tremendous changes. No matter how hard it is, Hongmei's mother must cheer up and work in the production team. From then on, the task of looking after my brother fell on Hongmei's young body. So the two children snuggled up to each other at home, and when they were hungry, they went to the wild to dig some sweet potatoes and chew them, and there was no smile on their faces, and they rarely went to play with their little sisters.
time flies to 1984, which is the age when Hongmei should go to school at the age of 7. Because there was no kindergarten in the production team at that time, all the children went directly to primary school. The brigade also has a complete primary school (grade 1 to grade 5), and after grade 5, it has to go to a further market town to go to junior high school. Although the tuition fee for going to school doesn't seem to be much now, it only costs a few dollars. However, due to the burden of the family, it is on my mother's weak shoulders. Naturally, my income is very small, and I don't have enough to eat. How can I afford to go to school?
the time for starting school has passed day by day. Hongmei watched other children carry linen schoolbags sewn by their parents and go to school happily. Hongmei was also asking her mother, "When shall I go to school?" Hearing that Hongmei's mother's heart was broken, she also thought that no matter how hard it was, she couldn't suffer the children, so she borrowed them from the east and the west. After a month of school, Hongmei went to school as she wished.
children from poor families take charge early. Hongmei helps her mother do all kinds of work as soon as school is over. In 1987, when Hongmei was 1 years old. When I was helping to herd sheep, I walked on the rugged road in the mountains. Due to malnutrition and weakness, I accidentally fell and rolled into a gully more than 1 meters high, breaking my arms and legs. Such a drop-out is more than two months. When she was able to walk on her own, because of the hardship of her family, Hongmei never went to school again, which meant that Hongmei had dropped out of school.
After dropping out of school, Hongmei took on the task of looking after her younger brother and doing some housework. When she took her younger brother to play, she walked on the road to school from time to time, and unconsciously arrived at school. Looking at the situation of school and other children going to school, Hongmei had to climb out of the window, listen to the voice of teachers and students reading, and look at the teachers and students from the crack of the door. From then on, Hongmei wanted to go to school too much and was eager to study.
Neighbors feel sad when they look at it. A good person is gone like this, and a good home collapses like this. Some say to Hongmei's mother, "You are a peasant woman who is busy inside and outside, and you have to take care of two dolls. When will it be over?" Relatives saw that the two children were much shorter and thinner than other dolls in the village, and they were also persuading Hongmei's mother, "You are alone, and you have suffered from the children, so don't you think about it for the future?" Whenever she heard this, Hongmei's mother saw two lonely children and burst into tears.
With the constant involvement of good people, Sister Hong and her mother, though unwilling to do it for themselves, still want to have a full meal for their two children, so they have to nod and agree to combine with an older man who lost his independence in a neighboring village to form a new home. Although Hongmei is only 1 years old, she looks much more sensible than other children of the same age and knows what is going on. A year later, a new life was added to Hongmei's family, that is, Hongmei's younger sister and half-sister. Since then, Hongmei's family has been a family of five.
Although the stepfather is very kind to Hongmei, he just doesn't like words very much and he can't speak very well. With the help of her stepfather, Hongmei once again walked into the school gate ... But Hongmei knew that her stepfather was not dear dad, nor would she pamper herself like dear dad. Since having a younger sister, Hongmei always feels that her mother and stepfather seem to care less about Hongmei. Whenever there are guests at home or on holidays, if there is anything delicious, they are all doing their best with their younger brothers and sisters, so they feel a little lost and think that their mother no longer loves themselves. Every time she comes home from school, Hongmei always looks through the crack of the door first, and when her stepfather is not at home, she rushes into the house. When I was there, I began to hide far away. Because, since her father left, Hongmei has never eaten 2-cent popsicles, snacks that other children have eaten, and what she eats the most is sweet potatoes that are planed in the wild. Hongmei has learned a lot, and always has no feelings for this new home.
Hongmei sometimes thinks that the reason why she can continue to go to school is really due to her stepfather, otherwise she would have dropped out of school until now. Hongmei also tried to accept her stepfather, but it was hard to accept. Until she finished primary school and went to the market town for junior high school, Hongmei didn't call her stepfather Dad. Stepfather is an honest man, and he doesn't have much mind's eye. He only knows how to work. At ordinary times, he always calls Hongmei instead of calling his daughter. The generation gap between them is getting bigger and bigger.
There has always been a custom that boys are preferred to girls in rural areas. It is said that girls have to get married. Why do you read so many books? It is better to go home and help the family do some housework. Hongmei dropped out of school for almost a year before. In 199, when she was just 14 years old and was about to read the second day of junior high school, Hongmei's mother said to Hongmei, "Your brother is going to junior high school soon, and your sister is going to school. Our family can't afford it. You also went to a primary school, and you know a few words, so will your money. Otherwise, you won't study." When he heard this, his stepfather just sat by and didn't say a word. Hongmei knows that many girls as old as her in the village no longer go to school. This is what my stepfather and mother discussed, just let my mother say it.
Hongmei said that she really dropped out of school and never went to school again. She just couldn't finish her work in the future, and the puppy was the most companion. She also said that she can go to the first grade, and she really wants to thank her stepfather. The loss of her father, dropping out of school, fracture, dropping out of school again, and other situations still appear in my mind from time to time, and I can't erase them if I want to. They have been haunting her until now and have been torturing her.
meeting a rainbow on the road of life
In the eyes of village elders, "having more children and more grandchildren is more happiness". They often say, "At that time, we got married at the age of fifteen or sixteen, and we still lived well." The traditional concept of "getting married early, having children early and enjoying happiness early" has been deeply branded into their minds.
influenced by the previous generation, most of the 16-and 17-year-olds in the village, whether boys or girls, follow the tradition passed down from generation to generation and stop going to school as long as they finish junior high school. The villagers kept joking that "you can have help this time, don't be too tired". At this time, a good matchmaker came to the door and began to talk about marriage. As a result, it is common for many farm children to get married before they are adults, and it is common for them to hold one tender face with another more tender face.
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