Parents should especially point out where their children are doing well and where they are making progress. They should not go through the motions and generally say: You have done a good job, you should continue to work hard. Sincere and enlightening praise from children is always welcome. Specific praise will make children clearly know where they are doing well, thus generating real satisfaction.
Principle 2: praise children's efforts rather than results.
If a child builds a beautiful work with building blocks, it is not appropriate to praise the child "you are so smart". You should praise your children for their hard work and careful creation. Because a person is born smart or not, children can't change it themselves, but hard work can be done by children through self-discipline. Praise strengthened his carefully prepared behavior, and he will make persistent efforts next time.
Principle 3: Give more encouragement to children after failure.
When children fail, they need the support and affirmation of their parents, which is the key moment to cultivate their sound personality and good psychological quality. For example, if a child participates in a sports competition, winning or losing the competition is not important. The biggest gain for the child after failure is that he will be full of indomitable spirit when doing other things.
Principle 4: Be sincere in attitude and tone.
The attitude and tone of adults praising children is sometimes more important than what children say. When praising children, we must be sincere, heartfelt and realistic. Children are very sensitive, and the hypocrisy of parents once will make children no longer believe you. Sometimes, a sincere loving look and a tight hug are worth a thousand words.
Principle 5: Don't praise in advance.
Some parents will say before their children do something, "I believe you, and you can do it well." This seems to encourage praise, but it will actually increase the pressure on children.
Principle 6: Use less material rewards.
Why are material rewards invalid? There is an experiment in psychology that explains this problem well. Psychologists selected some children who like painting and divided them into two groups. The teacher promised the children in group A that "as long as they draw well, there will be prizes", while the children in group B just told them "I want to see your own paintings". Psychologists found that the children in group A showed a marked decline in their interest in painting, while the children in group B were all creating with great interest. According to common sense, rewarding children's painting achievements will improve their interest and level of painting, but the fact is just the opposite. Psychologists explain that although prizes can strengthen a certain behavior, it will make people focus on the prizes and lose interest in the rewarded behavior itself.
Principle 7: Praise children's good behavior in public.
China's parents often like to praise other people's children and belittle their own children in front of others, which is the most harmful way for children's self-esteem. If you want your child to be confident, you must praise him in front of others and sincerely let your child feel that you are proud of him. Praise in front of others, even a little thing, such as helping mother with things intimately, is very helpful to strengthen the effect of children's good behavior.
Experts pointed out that if parents want to appreciate and praise their children sincerely, they need to learn to discover their children's bright spots from multiple angles, infect and impress them with heartfelt joy, and keep them in a healthy and positive mental state.
Angle 1. Is strengthening the enthusiasm for praising children
This 6-year-old child has a strong sense of environmental protection. He often picks up the peels and scraps of paper in the community and puts them in the trash can. Years ago, he was also rated as "Little Guardian of Environmental Protection" by the Community Management Office. However, recent efforts to protect the environment are not as positive as before, because parents feel that their children's performance in environmental protection has been affirmed, so they no longer praise his behavior. As a result, children's enthusiasm has been hit, and they have gradually lost interest in protecting the environment.
When children behave well, they are most looking forward to hearing parents' encouragement and affirmation. Only positive affirmation can make children feel the heartfelt love and joy of their parents, bring them happy psychological feelings, strengthen his positive performance and urge him to become more perfect.
Angle 2: carefully capture and appreciate the advantages of children.
Naughty Dongdong often causes some small troubles to his parents, but sometimes he will take the initiative to do some good things, help the fallen child get up from the ground, and help the careless aunt find the key left in the corner ... When he sees Dongdong helping others, his parents will always praise the child with joy: "Dongdong is really sensible, knowing how to help others at such a young age will be great when he grows up!" With the praise of his parents, Dongdong is more sensible every day. Instead of indulging in playing tricks on others, he shifted his energy to helping others.
Experts point out that if parents always focus on their children's faults, they will be anxious and lack patience and confidence in their children's education, which will lead their children to develop in a negative direction. While correcting the child's wrong behavior such as making trouble, we should carefully discover his advantages, carefully capture his every progress, and affirm and encourage him in time. Children will gradually get rid of bad habits and strengthen excellent quality.
Third, look for new ways to discover children's personality characteristics.
Doudou is somewhat introverted and is often left out by children. Therefore, she doesn't like going out very much. In her spare time, she bathes the dog at home, combs her hair and tells him stories that happened in her study life. Doudou's parents are worried that their children will not be able to get along with others in the future, but on second thought, it's no use worrying. It is better to guide children to record stories told to puppies. Doudou's mother put the stories written by her children in children's magazines, and even published some of them, which made Doudou feel very successful and happy. Many children also began to find Doudou to tell them stories. After a long time, Doudou's character gradually became cheerful.
There are no two identical leaves in the world, and there will be no two identical children. Every child has his own characteristics, which are part of his personality. Simple reprimands and blunt demands can only arouse the child's rebellious psychology and push him to the abyss of imperfect personality. When children are found to have negative personality characteristics, parents should first reflect on their own educational methods, look for positive factors in their children's special personality, guide them according to the situation, and help them step by step out of the narrow world and gradually become an excellent child.
It is right to love children, but it is also principled to love children.
1, rational love. Parents love their children not only to meet their emotional needs, but more importantly, to let them benefit from their parents' love. Therefore, the love for children should be controlled rationally, and love should be appropriate, decent and measured. Parents' love for their children should be different in content and expression. For younger children, we should use more physical contact, such as kissing, hugging, patting and stroking, while for older children, we should care, trust, encourage and praise with eyes and language. The highest state of rational love is expectation, and parents should expect their children to grow up to be independent and useful to society. Therefore, children's independence and self-care ability should be cultivated from an early age.
2. Let children feel love. Parents should love their children and let them feel their love for themselves. Children must not "know that they are blessed." Let children know that parents' love for themselves is not only manifested in their lives, but also in their praise and encouragement, as well as their demands and criticisms. The more children feel about their parents' love, the greater the role of love. If children lack affection for their parents' love, the power of love will be greatly reduced.
3. Let children learn to love others and all the beautiful things. The education of love is two-way, that is, to love and be loved. Some parents often neglect to let their children learn to love others and all the beautiful things. They gave their whole hearts to their children, but they didn't ask them to give their love to their parents and elders. They even think that children are too young to ask for it. As we all know, the result is that children don't know how to treat others with love, and they will gradually become people who lack emotion, love and compassion and have no other people in their hearts. This is extremely unfavorable for children to adapt to social life. Therefore, while giving love to children, we must make them love others and love the beautiful things around them.
4. Cultivate children's self-love, self-esteem and self-respect. Self-love, self-respect and self-respect are important conditions for people to exert their potential. These psychological qualities are gradually formed by children since childhood. With the development of children's spontaneous consciousness, they will gradually know themselves, cherish themselves, protect themselves, do things with their own strength, learn skills and be promising people. Children who don't know how to love themselves, cherish themselves and respect themselves, once tempted by the outside world, are likely to slide to the dangerous road of giving up on themselves.
How to praise children correctly? If children want to learn to respect others and learn to love, they must first respect and love children. Parents are the best teachers for children.